Monday, May 08, 2006

what chance?

a girl meets a boy and they date a few times. i ask her what her new boyfriend is like.......is he this, that or the other thing. you know, just casual questions about nothing in particular and then i realise that she is putting conditions in every response that i`m getting.
"oh, we`ll see", etc.
she is saying that she hasn`t made her mind up about whether this guy is going to measure up to her expectations for the future.
she is setting herself up for a series of disappointments that she is incapable of taking responsibility for in the future.
his inability to measure up will become his fault.
how did we all get to this point where we are sabotaging our happiness and we are totally unaware of the fact that we are doing it to ourselves?
i can hear how a person can rationalise all of this in thier mind about how a person is going to be this, that or the other thing in the future, but if you think for a moment you will realise that you can`t measure up to that either..................nobody can predict the future. so why put undue pressure on yourself and others to do the impossible so you can be happy.
here is the equation in a.i. terms. (artificial intelligence.)

if; impossible happens,
then; happiness happens.

in a.i. the programming, sequences are made up of strings of if/then commands.
like if you go forward and hit an obstacle , then turn 90 degrees left.
these command strings become infinitely long in the software of something like a flight simulator or x-box game or sattelite guidance system.....or the human brain.
if a software program had a command line in it that was as buggy as the one i wrote out above then the program would make the device fail.
that`s why i know that putting your hopes for happiness on the impossible is a recipe for disaster.

4 comments:

Dr.Alistair said...

it is healthy for you to know yourself and see how you have, in the past, clung to that which you have wanted to be inside of you but felt wasn`t. can you see how far you have come as a result of this awareness?
the discipline is in being authentic and expressing your true self at all moments. words, gestures, deeds, posture and all of the package that is you speaks this to others....but inside is where it really counts.
if a partner is truly able to be devoted to themselves they will be able to share thier existance with another traveller of like mind.
it is your decision to be that way.
ifyour commitment is you yourself first, then that authentic energy will project out into the universe.
you tell me that you recognise that in these people. do they speak of it?
do you?
your journey is where your authenicity lies. where your love is. where you want companionship.
your companionship will come from those who are walking in a similar fashion, not because they offer something you cannot provide for yourself, but because they are like you.

Dr.Alistair said...

it is a matter of accepting yourself. you stated that you want to know the unconditional love inside. you have to choose to not put conditions on yourself. that`s all. the conditions are where we bind ourselves up in what could happen or what didn`t happen in the past. this gives us the permission to beat ourselves up over and over, like you did in the last post.
look to where you are capable and powerful and fill yourself up with that attitude. treat yourself as you would those you admire and want to have relationships with.
stop the criticisms completely....forever.
only then will love take it`s place.

Dr.Alistair said...

you certainly will not. there is a method in nlp, called pacing, which is used in client sessions to emulate the behaviours of a client in subtle ways, covertly even, for a while, and then ever so slightly modify the actions of the self so that the client will start to copy the new behaviour i`m exhibiting.
i`m telling you this because it happens to us all when we interact with others. we are mostly unaware of the process but certainly feel the results.
nlp practitioners are not magicians. we understand mechanisms that are unconscious to most and use them to offer help.
pacing has to ulimately lead to good feelings or it`s distructive....whether you understand the process or not.
so choosing good feelings is critical because it creates your entire universe.

Dr.Alistair said...

no. you are precisely right. choose the best feelings you have, or find evidence of good feelings in others and pace them............