Sunday, February 07, 2010

followers.

there is a box right beside my blog posts which has pictures of those people who decided, for whatever reason, to follow my blog.

24 of you to be precise.

now, i`m not so ego driven that i need each of you to comment on each thing that i post, but.....out of the 24 people who follow, approximately 6 have ever commented.

in fact the majority of the new followers have joined in the last few months, co-inciding with a decline in readership.....down from nearly 100 views per day to as low as 5 or 6.

so what are you guys doing?

10 uses for a bureaucrat.

bureaucrats are a special breed. they roll in packs, writing policy and sitting in endless meetings dicussing more kafkaesque ways to divert the money supply to thier pet projects, and generally telling other people what to do. cut-backs mostly miss them and they lurk behind voice-mails and key-card security in thier third floor offices.

i suppose it is better to leave them well fed and protected in thier compartments than to have them roving the streets with nothing to do all week....but if, for some reason, they become redundant, here are some suggestions to maintain productivity.

1. fence posts. bureaucrats are rigid and tall standing and would be ideal for the task.

2. sign posts. a broad understanding of highway traffic laws...and all laws for that matter, make bureaucrats ideal for this job.

3. bridge supports. sure, strength and determination are pre-requisites for holding up a bridge.

4. goal posts. cut, nailed and painted white...several bureaucrats could find a second career holding a net in place during a soccer match.

5. i wanted to suggest they would make a good back yard deck, but bureaucrats don`t support anything but thier own agendas, so making them into a flat, rigid surface for people to walk on wouldn`t work.

6. flag pole. yup. flag-flying is a hallmark bureaucrat job.

7. tent poles. occasionally, unless you really wanted to go camping....in which case they would be unavailable until a week tuesday.

8. boat. for the most part, bureaucrats planed flat and glued together would make a fine watercraft, but there would be leaks...so bring a bucket.

9. airplane. that wouldn`t fly.

10. bridge. successfully spanning a gap is what bureaucrats talk about incessantly. rhetoric is one thing, practicality is another. be prepared for collapse under even moderate use.

Wednesday, February 03, 2010

funny thing.

recently my girlfriend`s daughter college announced they were going to strike due to blah, blah, blah...

in otherwords, blackmail for more money.

typical unionist strongarming.

the strike date has been set for 11th febuary.

on the 10th of febuary, buddy, my girlfriend`s daughter`s fuckwit dog is due to have his nuts ritually removed at this same school. the school being a verterenary technology institute.

and here`s the funny thing. my girlfriend`s daughter`s dog is constantly checking to see if his nuts are still there. if he is shouted at, newspapered, smacked, or otherwise sanctioned, he will look back to see if the boys are still intact. it is almost as if he knows, at some time or another, he will be deprived of his sole purpose on this planet....and i can see his point.

my ex wanted to do the same thing to my alsatian dog rocky. my response was; no. and also, fuck off you chronic castrating bitch, you are busily psychologically chewing mine off with your teeth, leave the dog alone.

but back to buddy the retard cocker-poo (who thinks up these names? i know, the same dipshits that breed them.).

so, here`s me thinking that maybe, just maybe, in all of buddies checking and stressing and dithering he has somehow created a small rip in the fabric of time...allowing for an minor adjustment in the space-time continuum (see albert einstien`s ideas about special relitivity....this isn`t my idea, i`m not crazy.) and in so doing brought about such shifts in ideas and events that a whole school faculty decides to go on strike at precicely the time buddy was due to go in for surgery.

ok so, there are issues at work here that are outside of our ability to comprehend....especially if the concept is described using a word with two "u"s in a row like continuum...but damn if that isn`t the largest of co-incedances.

and regarding the matter of buddies nuts; he needs to lose them. having him boss of this house is wearing thin. the household has another dog. a 200 year old female tiny white something or other that insists on going into heat every six months or so even though she can barely walk or see...and so buddy goes around pissing on everything to let all the other dogs know that the bitch is his and growling and snapping at us while we keep them apart.

(sigh)

other than that, he`s a sweet, loyal, affectionate little chap who looks up at me with such love sometimes that it`s all i can do to look away.

i`m not wothy of such devotion, knowing what i know.