being lied to.

i have had a series of conversations today about being lied to.
the first one was a justification for lying.
the person justified thier lies by saying that it was a defence mechanism against interrogation when they were a child by thier mother. another person in the conversation said that it wasn`t a very good way to handle the situation with the current relationship. this person had, unfortunately married an interrogator (mother?).

the second conversation was about a person hating being lied to. it was a zero tolerance on thier part. you lie, you`re out. i hoped they weren`t an interogator.

the third conversation was about how to know when you are being lied to.

there are two ways to cope with being lied to.....actually three.

if you know you are being lied to then it`s a matter of being assertive enough in your language to let the person know they are caught and that you don`t tolerate the behaviour.

if you are unsure about the situation then ask the questions you need to ask so that you will know with certainty whether you are being lied to. many times people choose to accuse as opposed to investigate. this further blocks communication.
why is this person lying?
be accepting of honesty if you get it!
accept that you could be wrong in your accusations............


are you ready for the truth? if so, ask the hard questions. if not then you will suffer until you are ready.
we all know that something is going on. our guts are rarely wrong. it`s our minds that can play tricks on us if we let them.

the third way to cope?

unattachment. other people are complex creatures that want a balance between love and danger.............sometimes that means messing with things that are most dear to them. don`t ask me why that is so......it just is.

ahhh, such is life.