Wednesday, September 27, 2006

i forgot...................

for just a moment, and the moment went on all summer.

i forgot that i am in love with the world............all of the simple, subtle, powerful and massive, slippery and elusive, momentary, almost invisible feelings that i feel................and all that i had was anxiety. over and over, day in and day out.

i am begining to remember now.

i will never again forget to have these feelings and won`t allow things to get in the way of the steady flow of them.

i got caught off guard in a moment of weakness. ok. no foul.

let`s just get on with the regularly scheduled life.

through this i have honoured, respected and loved myself to the very depth of my soul, and i can safely say that through it all i have done no harm.

for that i will be eternally grateful.


Yves said...

So what has happened to the anxiety? Not swept under the carpet I hope. In the model I follow, anxiety occurs when our pot of unacknowledged emotions is so full that we find it difficult to take on life's daily annoyances and frustrations. & I'm also suspicious of affirmations which involve suppression of the negative in us. Best wishes!

Yves said...

From the tone of your post and the ones which follow it, I deduce that life is currently going your way, after a period when it was not going your way. I'd be suspicious of any philosophical reflection based on the feelings of being "up", as if being "down" was any less real.

This too will surely pass.

dr.alistair said...

it`s all part of the flow. i don`t make a distinction between one form of feeling being any more real than another and it`s interesting that you would suggest that being down wasn`t real..........
do people actually feel that being down isn`t a real experience?

Yves said...

I thought you were implying that being down was not a real experience for you: "I got caught off guard in a moment of weakness."

dr.alistair said...

ahhh, yes, a moment of weakness.
this refers to the feelings i experienced when i met a woman this summer when i first began to come to terms with my seperation. i found myself thinking about her all the time and wanting to be with her. she felt similar things but pulled away and took a job out of town and we lost touch. there have been e-mails occasionally but i am left with the memory of a dangerously overpowering want to have something, anything with this girl and it has taken all my focus and self-control to deal with the feelings and not push her or dishonour her by acting inappropriately. i just have to let her go.
she e-mailed me the other day and said she missed starbucks on tuesdays when we used to meet........yet if i suggest we can do it again she runs.
what can a man do?

anu said...

LOL! Dr you're too cute @ "what can a man do? "