Monday, April 07, 2008

i am speechless.

i haven`t posted here for a long time.

i have been following another path for the last few months and enjoying a new sense of vigour in life, love and commerce, but something i recently heard shocked me so profoundly that i had to type it here and read it over to try to make some sense of it somehow.

two people met and enjoyed hours of conversation together over coffee. nothing unusual there.

nothing unusual in that they would find eachother more and more often and become hopeful of catching eachother casually.......for coffee.

one day the woman asked the man if he would be interested in meeting somewhere other than the coffee shop, and he agreed.

they met, kissed and fell in love in a few short weeks.

again, nothing unusual dear friends.

he then, one evening in the heat of passion, says that he`s falling in love....and she says don`t.

she then says that she has a dilemma.

she had an affair some years ago with a married man and that she promised him that if he ever left his wife that she would be there for him......

the married guy had seen the two lovers together and reminded her of her promise and that he is leaving his wife april 30th.

she then says she still wants to keep seeing him until april 30th when the other guy has officially left.

he says no, of course, and goes away.....misses her, and calls the next day and starts it all up again.

he lasts another day and says to her don`t come back until you have dealt with the other guy.

she says don`t be so dramatic and encourages him to keep seeing her like they were.

what does he now think?

he thinks she has made a decision to let the other guy go.

they spend every waking available moment together going biking, grocery shopping and just sittting close over coffee.

she tells him she has fallen in love with him one night on the phone, and his heart leaps.

this goes on for three more weeks until he asks again about the state of thier relatonship.........and she hasn`t changed one single thing in her mind.

he breaks it off that night.

i have read this over so many times trying to make sense of it, and it follows no line of reasoning, other than pain.

can love be that frightening and painful that this sort of thing persists?

i remain optimistic that love can conquer all, including such tragedy......


greg said...

oh lawrdy ... yer killing me here!

Now reading an interesting treatise called "The Fisher King and the Handless Maiden - understanding the wounded feeling function in masculine and feminine psychology" by (get this) Robert Johnson. What I get so far - connecting with my life experience - is that it's ok to confess feelings and caring, but perhaps NEVER the 'L' word until two are together and committed ...

The man should find friends who have wine!

Anonymous said...

love does conquer all....and it begins and ends in self. If the heart truly loves itself, it cannot be hurt. Foolish heart.

dr.alistair said...

it`s not worth getting drunk over certainly. the only reason i could see to drink would be to entertain

who knows what love is anyway.

foolish to expose something so delicate and fragile to so much pain.

one should be like stone, i suppose, and never experience much but the mildest of things.

Anonymous said...

You know sometimes I think things feel so right, so perfect that we think it's what we need when in fact it isn't. Things fall apart or don't connect for reasons. Maybe the universe has something else planned although its hard to see at the time. When one door shuts another opens. Keep the faith!

dr.alistair said...

well, yes....yesterday was a day of new doors opening precisely when i needed them to.

i have this experience over and over again to realise that i am in the middle of something of staggering beauty and such complexity that i am powerless to comprehend it, though i desperately wish to.....

my experiences with crushing emotional pain always bring insight and understanding, as long as i don`t get attached to blame and anger and resentment, and though i don`t welcome the feeling of such, once across and out the other side i am once again united with my joyous spirit and am one with the rhythm and pace of things.

and comes the promise of green grass and soccer balls flying in the warm spring air.

Ricardo said...

He did the right thing.

X. Dell said...

You've obviously had better things to do than spend an inordinate amount of time here. Good on you.

X. Dell said...

I just read the rest of the post (got excited over the first part). I guess that the real tragedy is that love never seems to conquer itself, at least for me. I was hoping that at least one of us was luckier.

dr.alistair said...

x, hey...nice to see you. love does conquer all my friend. the thing is, most don`t stay the course long enough to witness it.

you have to know what you are in, and know yourself.

once you understand that, then love reveals it` self.


the pain comes out of fear, a human thing which we all endure and eventually overcome.

nieztche said that the worst sentiment is that of hope because it allows the torment to persist.

fuck him. he`s a dead german.

he came into this existance pure, perfect and with the blindest of optimism.....just like the rest of us.

that first searingly painful breath we all take couldn`t be endured otherwise.

i fell down hard and lay there waiting for the worst, and it never came. then i got backup and put one foot in front of the other once again.

Rachel said...

You need to get yourself out more often with your pointy shoes on and get seen.
You are keeping yourself all to yourself. fair to the women of Burlington.

dr.alistair said...

Rachel, will you marry me?

Rachel said...

Yes, but only until dawn. And then again at dusk.

dr.alistair said...