fourth list.

you thought i was done?  so much shit irritates me that i may never be done.


today`s list is one of places particularly irritating to visit.

first on the list because my girlfriend reminded me, is the hospital. she is visiting a sick person today and commented on how difficult it was to get around the place and actually find the person you want to visit.

endless long hallways with little or no signs and locked doors and elevators that don`t go to the floor you want and volunteers who are barely able to help because they are so old.....and have you visited our gift shop yet?

the reason for all this isn`t immediately clear, but once you realise that the hospital is designed for nurses, technicians and doctors and administrators. you see why things are arranged the way they are.


everyone else is an inconvenience to be diminished or avoided at all costs.

and that woudl be you and i. either a sick person or a visitor.

the hospital stay or visit is designed to be as difficult and uncomfortable as possible. ideally the staff and administrators would never be inconvenienced by actual sick people and visitors, but there is an evolution in medicine where pretty soon we won`t be able to afford a hospital stay, thereby solving the dilemma that nurses, technicians, doctors and administrators experience every day in trying to deal with unreasonable people.

and things would run much more smoothly for them.

secondly comes the airport.

the airport is a torture device designed by a group sadists who know people desperately want to go places other than where they live in the dead of winter. this group of cruelty specialists design processes and barriers to delay your escape from whichever industrial hub you live in for as long as humanly possible.

this delay begins well before you get near to the airport because it seems to be located precisely in the convergence point of the busiest highways in the city. this i believe is a conspiracy between city planners and airport authorities to place the airport as near to downtown as possible without totally shutting the city down.

once you are shunted into the appropriate alleyway by the tiny and too late signs for your terminal you find yourself faced with your first delay.

the carpark.

and it`s always under construction. why the fuck is it always under construction? didn`t they know they were going to get this busy?

and i know this is true of all metropolitan cities worldwide...and that it`s deliberate.

so you pay whatever fee gratefully and squeeze your human sized vehicle in with all the "smart" cars and hope to hell you don`t get dinged while you are away.

then there is the walk to the terminal.

some math pervert has figured out how to optimally place each parking area to make you walk as far as humanly possible to get to where you need to go.

and why the living christ do you have to be there two hours early?

so you are already exhibiting signs of stress from marching nearly three kilometers to reach your newly renovated boarding area (?) and wait in line with all the other sorry pieces of shit hoping to escape the ice and snow of january in toronto.

and, of course, they brought the kids....bless them. they are all tearing around having a great old time irritating the tired travellers all waiting obediently in line for the approving smile of a boarding clerk....

an hour later and you`ve managed to hold it together and stay cheery for your girlfriend, who had to slip off for a bit to pee. (yes, the bathrooms are on another planet.) and you finally get to the gate to give the girl your luggage and documents, which you magically manage to have in completed form..


.....and then you are given the singular privelige to be able to enter the departure lounge.

such as it is.

a sprawling expanse of plastic chairs in a big room (newly renovated) with windows barely looking out onto the tarmac so that you might, possibly, enjoy watching planes take off.

no. the building is situated so that you can only see the tails of other planes waiting to be boarded and far off in the distance some planes landing...though it`s dark and snowing so you can`t even see that clearly.

and you remind yourself why you wanted to do this.

oh yeah, to get away.

then the announcement comes that the plane will be delayed.

and all you want right now is a decent cup of coffee and internet reception.

but you are in the waiting gulag.

and so it goes.

every time, you think it will be different. efficiencies in booking, registration, organisation, management and staff training would make the experience seemless and enjoyable.

but no. same. world wide.

why?

airports are designed for the pleasure of airport adminstrators and pilots....and you are niether of those, so all you get are delays and discomfort.

my next post will explore some of the other chambers of anguish we have to enter occasionally in hte hopes of making our lives more enjoyyable.