Tuesday, June 30, 2009

relationship problems.

in relationship counseling i hear this all the time....." he doesn`t remember to do this or that, or he doesn`t know what i`m thinking".

now, this is obviously a woman speaking, but it`s true, he doesn`t remember to do this or that, and he doesn`t know what she`s thinking.

now; it begs the question, why?

why does he become a forgetful anti-psychic, when he used to be spot on 100% of the time?

when a man excuses himself from remembering tasks and knowingwhat she was thinking, he will say, "it`s because i`m tired, or i was doing something else or i got distracted with extra work or......"

simple cause and effect reasoning.

she immediately goes inside and tells herself "he doesn`t love me".

and that makes a man cringe.

so, let`s back up. whenthey first met he would get everything done and literally read her mind about everything...movies, trips, the colour of the bathroom wallpaper, what to do tonight....etc.

and why?

he was paying attention to her every gesture, her every comment, her every dream.


he wanted to know, to provide, and to be her everything.

and she, of course, sucked this up...naturally, and became used to his attention, and knows the difference when it changes.

why does it change?


time erodes the freshness and excitement of the commitment two people feel for eachother, and life creeps in.

and life might contain the fact that the woman has taken this attentive man for granted and he wears thin of the prince charming game.

so, lets look at the rewards a man recieves for his attentitiveness....if we dare.

if we dare to suggest that there was an exchange of value between them both and that the man was recieving something for his efforts so freely given, then we might see some reason for his inatentitiveness.....recently.

maybe he felt he was made to feel a man for his efforts in the traditional ways. she "loved" him back.

she acted as his wife by being as attentive and as psychic in return. she loved his attitude about things, she loved his behaviour and she loved his emotional and physical love.

this is the glue that binds a relationship together.

a man and a woman contribute equally, in different ways, and eaches contribution is critical to the survival of the relationship.

so when a woman says "he`s not this or that anymore....". i wonder what she`s not doing anymore either.

and when i hear a woman say, i wish i could find a man who would be this or that with me, i have to ask are you going to be the woman to make that work?

Friday, June 26, 2009

and then......

....michael jackson dies, and i feel oddly sad.

though he was a monster to many children, he was obviously a great talent, and one that will be missed.

i will resist the hurge to grab my crotch and squeal as a fitting gesture in his memory at several points today.

and compared to farrah fawcett, who also died yesterday and clearly had little talent but for what she looked like when she was young, jackson was a true artist.

may you indeed rest now, tortured soul.

Thursday, June 25, 2009

ms. fawcett.

she died.

for those of you who still have her poster up on the wall....i have one thing to say.

that`s kinda sad.

i remember when friends of mins got worked up when the thing first came out. those were the guys who`s mothers would allow them to put her image up on thier bedroom wall in the first place.

i could care less.

i was much more taken with the girl next door.

i would have had her picture up on my wall, but i didn`t need to. she was real to me and i was 14 and in heaven.

that`s just me though. i much prefer the real thing. live music, real discussion, the girl next door.

so the poster is dead.

long live the poster.

i guess it`s worth more now that she died....or something.

Tuesday, June 23, 2009



....the old gasbag gives it up.

and his tired-looking wifey can stop retending to smile so much.


recently a nutty woman whom i have had some contact with over the past few years was overty rude to my girlfreind. i suppose her reasoning was that she was only temporary, or somesuch nonsense.

this morning the aforementioned nutjob made a freind request to my facebook page which i summarily blocked.

needless to say, my girlfreind questioned why this woman would be clearly ignorant to her while being flirty with me. though she trusts me and understood that my interest was aimed at the woman`s newly adopted german shepherd dog as we stood talking briefly, she was concerned that such a nutty woman would have my interest at all.

my answer was that i have recenty avoided her when she appears at starbucks, but yesterday i spoke briefy as we passed to go across the street.

my gilrfreind spoke to the woman while we stood there and she was ignored totally.


tired of being nice to her when she floats up while i`m in conversation with others, when she has interupted dates i`ve been on in the past and now openly hostile to the girl i love.

she claims she has thyroid cancer also....yet this story changes, and i find it hard to believe her....tragic though it would be if true.

i have tolerated her nuttiness and her tiresome religiosity and whiny poor-me attitude to life but yesterday was the last straw.

attempting to come between my girl is a foul. whistle blows. game stops. name goes in book.


Wednesday, June 17, 2009



finally a documentary about music that white males like....except the little retarded leprechaun.

didn`t the producers think that page and white could float the boat without the pope`s banjoist?


at least it`s not bob dylan and leonard cohen.

risking offending.....

a camera for the chronically self-conscious.


i wonder if it has a database of prefered faces you can use, just in case you reject yours entirely.

Monday, June 15, 2009


i wrote quite a bit about obligation a few years ago here, and i realise it`s appropriate in relation to the issue of rescuing as discussed in my last post.

the thing that stops us from trying to stop "rescuing" others, especially those close to us is obligation.

obligation is a tacit agreement between people that binds them into this game whereby rescuer runs the risk of being persecuted/persecuter.

just as buying a girl a drink in a bar has the potential to oblige a girl to sex, the providing of help obliges a person to reciprocating...and is difficult when the person recieving the help has little or no means to reciprocate.

and we feel guilty if we dont help though, don`t we?

obligation goes hand-in-hand with guilt to bind people in these games of victim-rescue-persecute in all areas of human interaction.

how do we break the cycle?

by not helping, fighting the guilt....and not feeling obliged to "help".

a simple transactional game.


we all do it. we think we can help someone less fortunate than ourselves. we put a coin in a cup, we reach out a hand, we advise, we offer shelter.....

...and we wonder why nothing changes, or that the person isn`t grateful, or that the situation gets worse.

the answer lies in our own personal motives.

why did we put the money in the cup, or offer help or advice or shelter?

too often the person offering help has some expectation that the act of help will be repayed, not necesarily in the form it was given, but in recognition or gratitude.

so why is that a problem?

because it puts pressure on the person who recieved the initial action to reciprocate.

now, not all people who need help are playing victim. the person with a broken-down car needs somemone to stop and assist. the kid being bullied at school needs adult intervention. the ill need medicine. people need advice and certainly we help those close to us without thought of what they should do for us.

these brief adult transactions are part of the glue that holds communities together, but the manipulative exchanges that make up the victim-rescue-persecute triangle are a different story entirely.

a person, for whatever reason, feels inedequate and plays victim. they drag thier heels, play sick or generally unable to do things to survive....and petition someone else for help...consciously or otherwise.

then the rescuer goes to work, morally and ethically believing that thier efforts will somehow make this person`s life better.....and that they will be seen as the one to do it.

people of all types do this. parents, clergy, teachers, politicians...the list is endless.

ok, so there is the simplified dynamic of the victim-rescue phase of the game.

now for the persecution.

children get angry at their parents, want thier own lives, cars, phones, money, etc....and resent thier parents for having these things and not continuing to share.

husbands and wives tear eachother apart with the help of lawyers and judges.

the nieghbour makes your life a misery every day of your existance.

again, not all children and not all spouses and not all nieghbours do this.

only the ones caught in the victim-rescue-persecute game.

how do we tell the difference?

our own attitude toward whomever we offer assistance.

what do we expect from them?

if we expect the begger on the street to turn his life around because we put a dollar in his cup...we have begun on the path to a persecution game.

same with our spouses and our children.

they need our help, but the don`t need our sanctimonious expectation and obligation.

it`s no wonder they get angry.

the movie "the soloist" is the story of a homelss cellist suffering from mental illness and a journalist who decides to write a story about the man and help get him off the street. it is a great example of the rescue game in action....and interestingly critics panned it.

Monday, June 08, 2009

herman`s hermits.

fucking crap.

made me ashamed to be english.

droning hyper british invasion bullshit. sort of like a fake beatles, except from manchester.

if you don`t know where manchester is, just imagine hamilton with fish and chips...and a lot more east indians.

i went with my girlfriend because she really wanted to go.....reminded her of what it was like growing up.

i knew a fair number of the songs, which made it no easier to sit through...in fact actually hearing them live made it worse because i still have remnants of the shit sound rattling around in my head two days later.

she was happy as a clam, though she realised after an hour or so that my boys and i were sitting stone-faced while the band chewed up our brain cells.

see, my boys and i are guitar players, and we were waiting to be entertained, and instead we got a 60 odd year old shoe salesman telling bad jokes and singing to grandparents in the front rows....

...shit, shit, shit.

i went because i love my girlfriend and wanted to share something she really enjoyed because she`s a sweetheart and i love to share her enthusiasm whenever i get a chance......but....for fuck`s sake sweetie.

she even promised to go to see megadeth with me because she was so grateful that we went with her.

i wouldn`t consider doing that to her for an instant.

maybe the eagles will come and we can go to something we would both enjoy.

i think my boys would like it too.

Friday, June 05, 2009

sure thing.


just another bit of evidence to suggest that we are in the end days.

what`s next, porno for kids?

what i believe is really going on.


individualism vs. collectivism.

either the rights of the individual are important or the survival of the collective. there is no middle ground.

kennedy asked not what government could do for us but what we could do for government. this is collectivist guilt.

when we are expendable for the good of the group, then we end up with leaders like stalin or mao or any other fuckwit who will torture, maim and kill whoever he pleases if they disagree with the collective view.

we are witnessing a financial situation at the federal level that i feel is the begining of the destruction of the middle class, and when this happens we will see nothing but the rich few and masses of poor wandering around in shock wondering where thier savings, equity and retirement went to.


because money has no gold to back it up and so governments can create paper debt and devalue whatever you and i have worked for...

obama is busy doing that right now.

devaluing property, investment and labour value so that we can`t work hard or long enough to catch up.

all of the union jobs and middle management salary jobs are going and the only one hiring is wal-mart.

y`know...none of us have been this old before, with kids and mortgages. our parents never discussed it, did they? the erosion of thier wealth and subsequent re-evaluation of thier lifestyle upon retirement.

so while we are busy watching the freakshow on tv the ass is falling out of our portfolio value.

in canada we are going to spend many billions of dollars in the next few years to bail out the "economy" and saddle ourselves with futher taxes and reduction of benefits.

why not just give each canadian a million?

thirty billion dollars is a lot...but it`s ours. the goverment took it from us, mismanaged it and want us to give them more to try to fix whatever the problem is.

what would happen if we all got a million?

we`d spend it.

isn`t spending what the economy needs?

we`d have to promise to keep our jobs though....

and a message to liberals.

what you do behind closed doors is fine. i don`t went to know about it, i don`t want my children taught it, and i don`t want to see you doing it on a flatbed at a parade where families are encouraged to watch.

don`t ask; don`t tell seemed to be a good place to stop actually. it seemed like billy-bob clinton actually made sense there. but for some the "asking and telling" was, and still, is where the fun is. the constant need for attention and the demanding the right to get it in more and more elaborate ways has all the earmarks of borderline personality and arrested developement.....and i really don`t think the average liberal suffers that way, it`s just the few freaks and thier enablers that get them spray painted gold and prancing about in the summer sun that make the rest look as loonie as them.

and my poitical position.


the left and right both seem to want to push the boundaries further and further from center.

my position is more social. maybe niave and innocent of the "adult" motives and desires so prominently pushed in the media these days, but i think i have the right to my little patch. i don`t watch tv, i`m selective in what i read, and occasionally i`ll debate an issue with a liberal....but i`ve found that they areen`t really interested in debate and discussion so much as ramming thier ideas home as correct and tolerant and painting me as repressive and somehow wrong and insenitive to others......

....and i can understand. they see me as intolerant of them and of others of like mind who encourage gay marriage and pornography and public nudity etc, but really i`m saying that they are entitled to thier opinion and desires, but that i would like the same consideration when i say somethinhg like "i think that children shouldn`t be exposed to pornography, and that marriage is between a man and a woman for the purpose of raising children and that drugs fuck people up".

i don`t take it personally when they disagree with my opinion, but when they attack me personally and say i`m stupid and dangerous and teaching my children intolerance and insensitivity...well, then i have to just stop talking to them and avoid them in social situations.

if their politics is so important that they are willing to be agressively inolerant, as they suggest that i am, then they need to be left alone.

there is a bigger issue at hand here. i have been hesitant to write about it, but maybe the time is upon us to face what is really going on, and maybe we can drop the political differences and deal with what is coming.

couldn`t resist.

not that christianity does any better at, well, anything actually....but the poster is funny.

unless you are a jihadist fuckwit..in which case; sorry. don`t go blowing up...or if you do, just do it while following the how-to instructions on youtube in your basement.

Thursday, June 04, 2009

just in case.....

....you were wondering where all your oxfam money went to.