Saturday, September 30, 2006

science cannot measure everything.

tim asks the question here; are plants conscious? cleve baxter did some interesting work some years ago that, though controvercial, showed some interesting results that suggested that plants are keenly aware of thier surroundings, including our thoughts.
this type of suggestion really sets some people off on a tangent whereby they start pushing scientific methods and assumptions as reasons to deny consciousness to anything but humans. this is nothing but arrogance and fear at work. arrogance to think that we are the only ones who can be aware of things and fear that we aren`t.

why deny plants, animals and even rocks forms of consciousness. what purpose does it serve to be so narrow-minded as to think that pine trees don`t know what the fuck is going on.......just because they can`t do much about it.

plants clearly know when they are being attacked. some types of plants will produce acidic substances, called tanins, to thwart the advancement of other plants into thier space or to combat ants or other bugs. the scientist will say that this process is purely chemical in nature, triggered by sensitive cells on certain parts of the plant.

one could reduce human behaviour to the neuro-chemical also.

there are those who say that the human intellect is merely along for the hormonal ride and that the majority of our actions are driven by neuro-transmitter responses to things like frilly hemlines.................

so who`s to say?

i will say this though.........if we are conscious seperate from neurochemistry then plants and animals are too. they just aren`t saying anything.............and that`s a mark of intelligence right there.

Friday, September 29, 2006

the authentic self.

the authentic self will always shine through. you cannot hide it over the time. it is like a beacon shining through the fog.
when you take on the role of honesty in your feelings and follow your heart you can never be wrong. others may disagree, they may criticise and they may leave.......but the honesty remains.
it is this honesty that supports your self estimate, the "self-esteem'' that people talk about as being valuable but give to definition for. it is plainly an integrity of how the heart dictates your actions.
people know the truth about others. they can see the authentic and can tell the difference between that and a mask. unless they are full of anxiety themselves.
as we learn to take faith in the authentic self we start to be more and more honest, firstly with ourselves, and then with others. through all this we come to become so confident in our actions that others take notice.
this is called respect.
many times it is grudgingly given..........or never at all. but we only need one person`s respect anyway. our self.
it all comes back to the confidence we have in the process of unconditional love for the self.


well, we live in a society that recognises and rewards the strong. theose who can press on and continue to be productive in spite of it all.
to what end though?
the denial of sensitivity to all that goes on around us at the subtle level leaves us as robots doing repetitive tasks to exaustion and very little else but to spend the money we recieve as a result of our efforts.
round and round we go in this loop until we die.
as a sensitive type i cannot buy into the robot life. there is something deep insode me that makes robotic behavior abhorent to me. i cannot work in a factory or dig ditches or continue to do renovations in the building trades any longer. i have to be honest to the voice inside that calls me to a higher purpose to my help others sort this exact isssue out.
i am the witch doctor, or shaman of the village. i have been to the edge of perception in human terms and looked into the void. for me there`s little fear in looking into the inky black unknown. it`s far more comfortable to go to the outer bounds of this thing we call consciousness than to accept the dull, dim existance of subsistance.
i know there`s more to be had in this life. i see the abundance all around us. the joy and happiness to be had in being alive and telling the truth.
the truth we all feel but are afraid to speak.
so i say it loud and clear and often.

with little fear of crucifixion.................

there are too many of us now.

i am a frieght train.

when i ride by the train tracks sometimes the go train passes, its green and white carriages full of commuters off to the city. occasionally in inter-city train whistles by flying to calgary or vancouver or across the border to buffalo and beyond. the real thrill is the freight trains though............these guys have two or three diesels and the carriages can stretch back for miles. when one of these passes at full throttle i can feel the pull of 10,000 horsepower deep in my guts, pushing my legs faster as they pass. it is in moments like this that i recognise the power and strength of everything around me, from the tiniest of flowers in the grass to the giant frieght trains pulling beside me to the mountains and the sky above.

we are connected to it all and when we spend the time to notice we can feel it. when we were children we did it without concern or fear. what happened?

we became desensitized for whatever personal reason and turned the sensitivity avoid the pain possibly, but in the process we have turned off the miracle that is going on around us all the time. the blindingly beautiful movie that is playing 24 hours a day. we have a ticket and reserve seating and plenty of seating for a guest or two.

or ten thousand.

and coincedentally, the show is about to begin once more............right outside your window.

Wednesday, September 27, 2006

i forgot...................

for just a moment, and the moment went on all summer.

i forgot that i am in love with the world............all of the simple, subtle, powerful and massive, slippery and elusive, momentary, almost invisible feelings that i feel................and all that i had was anxiety. over and over, day in and day out.

i am begining to remember now.

i will never again forget to have these feelings and won`t allow things to get in the way of the steady flow of them.

i got caught off guard in a moment of weakness. ok. no foul.

let`s just get on with the regularly scheduled life.

through this i have honoured, respected and loved myself to the very depth of my soul, and i can safely say that through it all i have done no harm.

for that i will be eternally grateful.


i noticed today that over te past few months there have been an accumilation of comments that have gone unmoderated. this has been for a number of reasons. firstly, i was without a computer for a few weeks and was unable to physically comment, and then, quite franky, i was at a point where posting and comments were difficult due to personal challenges.
i am going through the comments folder now and, hopefully, should be able to reply to people who were gracious to comment on my wild speculation and ego-driven rants within the next few days.

thanks for posting and keep on reading.........who knows, i might learn something!

Tuesday, September 26, 2006


honesty is the best policy. not with others but with one`s self. it is the most difficult task at times. we love to bullshit ourselves about things.........
and that`s ok.
but when it comes to the really serious stuff, the life and death issues, then we need to brace ourselves for the truth.
because, my friends, after a while you need to have your self-respect.

tell yourself it`s ok to buy another guitar. they are all beautiful, so another one won`t hurt one bit........and the others will understand.

but when the girl can`t make her mind up........and it`s killing you every minute, and you can`t get her out of your mind............make it for her.

you know what i mean.

make a decision that makes it work for you. now.

i know what you are thinking, what about the what-ifs?

the what-if list is a mile long and it will bury you in never making a decision.

people spend thier whole lives on the sideline saying what if................


the only thing you have that is worthwhile is your peace-of-mind. there isn`t enough money in the world that can change that. get the peace-of-mind and the rest falls into place.

so it comes back to honesty doesn`t it?

you know when the time is right. wait for it. stalk it, and when it arrives jump at the opportunity to lay it all out.

you`ll feel better about things when you do. and no matter what happens next in someone else`s mind, you will start to get better.

i promise.


tonight i am high.........................high on life.

so high that i could have ridden to toronto and back had it not been so cold. by the time i rode back to the house at 10.30pm it was getting to late for a mad ride.

winter is fast approaching and memories of last year`s lack of snow have my fingers crossed.........but i`m not so niave as to think we`ll get a repeat, gobal warming or not.

the highs have to be embraced as brief peaks, with the clear and certain knowledge that we must descend to remain human. we must descend to remember the process of rising and falling. if all we did was sit on the peak.........then we would have nothing to compare it too.

so tonight i will revel in being like a god. high up........for tomorrow i will be merely mortal once again.

spatial metaphor.

the above discussion has reminded me of how powerful space is as a way of storing information mentally. in nlp study we practice looking at how different people store thier knowledge. one becomes acutely aware of how people are thinking and feeling based on how they access information in thier minds. one becomes psychic in that you can see the visual clues as to how people are forming thought. it`s literally written on thier faces......and the rest of thier bodies.
the eyes move, the breathing shifts, the posture adjusts and the movements speed up and slow down. these are all clues as to how a person is responding to how we communicate with them and how they are remembering things. with these skills sets and the trust of the client we can help them to make powerful and permenant behaviour change.

get in.......................

say no more.....................


what does that word mean? enlightenment.............

to some it means the insight into things, for some it means a metaphysical state whereby one has access to knowledge and experience unavailable in hte physical and mundane, for some it means religious understanding, for some it means magical power, for some it means happiness (whatever that means.......) and so on.

to me it means plainly being lighter.

lighter of mood. lighter of spirit. lighter of mind. less attached and restricted.
lighter physically too. when i am one with everything i can run faster, ride faster, i`m physically stronger and athletically more effective.

and i`m able to make better decisions about things.

for me enlightenment is boundless energy and spirit to be involved in the matters of the world we live in. a zest for life.


what is pushing up?

like the tiny blades of grass beneath the pavement, determined to see the light of day, there are ideas, dreams, concepts and pure feelings that are pushing up and out into conscious reality each and every moment of our lives.
deep inside of us.
each and every moment.
they shape our whole being and even though we are mostly unaware that they exist, except maybe in dreams or moments of waking fantasy, these forms of energy operate inside nontheless.
how does the grass know to keep pushing against cold, dark stone?
how do we know what to do next to keep going?

the knowledge of that sense of destiny that quietly whispers when we are still inside...........

Monday, September 25, 2006

the pain.

the pain of experience is to exercise your mind.

plain and simple.

nobody wants to go through it, but if you don`t learn from the experience you are doomed to repeat it until you do.

it`s nothing to do with anyone else. it`s to do with your own relationship with your nervous system.

we are in training. i`m not sure what sport i`m training for, but the practices are a killer........

Sunday, September 24, 2006

what purpose is love?

i recently went through a trial when i found myself having strong feelings for a woman i met and she didn`t respond in kind. thankfully the pain has subsided now and apart from the occasional return, the feelings are my great relief.
i talk with many people and they all tell me of similar experiences where thier lives are consumed with feelings for someone who doesn`t reciprocate.
i have to ask at this point of clarity and freedom from the pain what the hell the purpose of such totally consuming emotion is for when it fails catastrophically.
does anyone know?

what the bleep part two.

so now you`ve gone deep into the nothing with me for a imagine how powerful a thought would be at that level. what it can do to the tiniest of energy flows. disprupt the tiniest river of material structure for long enough and cracks appear.

i remember when i was a child when my dad pointed out how grass grows out of the cracks in cement. the cells on the grass push ever so slowly against the stone, but are relentless and eventually work a crack in what seems like impossibly hard matter, yet......sure enough the grass persists. in sidewalks, driveways and paths the grass pushes through. what is important enough for you to persist over time to work out into the sun?


i highly recommend this guy`s site. he has gone to the edge of science and asked some serious questions about the unusual nature of things under the surface.

can you wake an animal by staring at it?

do you know whan you are being stared at?

Saturday, September 23, 2006

meet my new friend.

you are looking at a vintage early `70s ampeg v-4 all tube class "A" guitar amplifier. i owned it`s little brother the v-2 for many years and still have hearing loss because of it.
the v-2 was consevatively rated at 60 watts at 8 ohms. this guy is rated at 100 watts at 8 ohms. it`s loud enough to knock planes out of the sky and evaporate house pets.
very satisfying.

what the bleep..........?

what the bleep to we know?

when we look at the surface of our skin very carefully we see individual hairs and freckles and skin cells and the odd scar or two.

if we magnify this image ten times we see individual cells and blood vessels and nerves and anti-bodies and plasma and all the small things that make up our bodies.

if we jump another ten-fold magnification we will see the chemical composition of the structures and thier molecular makeup.

if we go another jump in magnification we are into the interior of the molecules to the atomic character of matter, where science begins to lose it`s clear understanding of what is going on.

so if we go on further magnification we discover........nothing but empty space filled with the changing pulse of energy.

whatever that is.

emotion? thought? desire? intent?


absolutely nothing, according to science. other words.

Friday, September 22, 2006

if only.........

we climbed out into the clearing and the table was already set. the waiter moved forward and offered a chair to her and she took it, not thinking.......still surprised at what she had come upon.
i had planned this for weeks in advance. i had asked a friend to go ahead up the hill before us and place a table, chairs and tablecloth, wine glasses, ice bucket and white wine and candle so that when we arrived he would be there to greet us as a waiter.
her shock was complete and delicious. we sat and my friend poured us a glass of wine and i said to him that that would be all, and he left us...........perfectly alone.
she had agreed to come for a hike on a warm summers night and i knew it was the perfect time for this. what amagical time to be alive.

if ever you meet a girl and you want her to be surprised then do this thing for her.......and let me know how it went.

because i never got the chance.

the self again.

ok. so you aren`t convinced.

close your eyes.

what happened?

you have no idea what happened because you can`t see what`s going on when your eyes are closed. you might be able to hear and feel somewhat, but without seeing the world diminishes for you.


imagine that you didn`t exist.

no really.........try.

did you succeed?

i didn`t think so.

we are a device that creates the universe. without the self generating things the universe ceases to exist. that`s why we are generate the universe.

big generator. generating.

what have you generated today?

the self.

a friend of mine e-mailed me today.........a little sad and sort of lethargic on this rainy friday, which is understandable, and she talked about getting on with practical business of education and self-improvement but she said that she felt as if that was being selfish, working on the self.

my answer to that is that there isn`t anything else but self. if you diminish or damage the self the whole of everything else goes with it. just remember the last time you were ill or experienced a setback. the whole world caught a cold along with you.........

self is all there is. look after it. nurture it. develop it. revel in it. spoil it. build it up and hold it upon high, for it is god.

the buddhists ask; who is the god who makes the grass green?

it is us. who else could it be?


i rode to port credit and back last night and it was a perfect night for a ride. the pedals were light against my feet as i pushed and i flew along the pavement from town to town. i felt like a freight train rolling along pulling a hundred carriages full of ideas and dreams and hopes of new life and prosperity and abundance.

i am rolling past the summer of attachments to things that were foolish and niave. i was like a new-born duck following the first thing i saw as i emerged from the egg.

what a trip. what a ride. i rode from summer to fall without even realising it. the transcendance from one season to another unconsciously has allowed me to pass from futile attachments without hostility and remorse.............with a grateful knowledge that lessons were learned and the precious was kept intact.

not growing up so much as growing out and away.


with a little help from my friends.

Thursday, September 21, 2006

arnold schwartzenegger...........

in the movie terminator II there is a scene late in the film where the robot, the boy and linda hamilton`s character are in the desert at the weapon camp and linda is watching the boy and the robot and she`s saying to herself that she realised then that the robot would never leave the boy no matter what. it`s my favorite scene in any movie...........ever, because it`s the realisation by a liberated woman that the father(figure) is valuable.
fathers aren`t trivial figures in children`s lives. they are protector, provider, leader, teacher, strength and relentless lover of thier children.

this is a message to all the women of the 21st century.........

children need thier fathers.

more than you need to be young and free again.........whatever that means.

being lied to.

i have had a series of conversations today about being lied to.
the first one was a justification for lying.
the person justified thier lies by saying that it was a defence mechanism against interrogation when they were a child by thier mother. another person in the conversation said that it wasn`t a very good way to handle the situation with the current relationship. this person had, unfortunately married an interrogator (mother?).

the second conversation was about a person hating being lied to. it was a zero tolerance on thier part. you lie, you`re out. i hoped they weren`t an interogator.

the third conversation was about how to know when you are being lied to.

there are two ways to cope with being lied to.....actually three.

if you know you are being lied to then it`s a matter of being assertive enough in your language to let the person know they are caught and that you don`t tolerate the behaviour.

if you are unsure about the situation then ask the questions you need to ask so that you will know with certainty whether you are being lied to. many times people choose to accuse as opposed to investigate. this further blocks communication.
why is this person lying?
be accepting of honesty if you get it!
accept that you could be wrong in your accusations............

are you ready for the truth? if so, ask the hard questions. if not then you will suffer until you are ready.
we all know that something is going on. our guts are rarely wrong. it`s our minds that can play tricks on us if we let them.

the third way to cope?

unattachment. other people are complex creatures that want a balance between love and danger.............sometimes that means messing with things that are most dear to them. don`t ask me why that is just is.

ahhh, such is life.

Wednesday, September 20, 2006


i did my first seminar for over a year last night. i have taken a business partner to do the on-going sales and marketing side of things and he was at the seminar and saw first hand what i do for the first time. his excitement of the potential of this business has now shifted to the excitement of selling my services into the industry. he now knows that i can do what i said i could do...........and he`s telling everyone.
it`s a good feeling to have had this experience. my parter can do things that i can`t and i can do my stuff very well. that`s what teamwork is all about.

Tuesday, September 19, 2006

it`s happening all the time anyway.

the exercise in my last post is an extreme example of something that we have happening inside all the time. our thoughts create our reality.
the things we look at in our minds and the way we talk to ourselves in our heads make us feel things. this process shapes our reality.
what we feel like doing is what we end up doing which ends up building our world.

here`s my point.

if you could control how you feel, in more and more precise ways, like in my previous post, then you could make your world more like the one you wanted, don`t you think?

i know what i think.

we are doing this precise thing all the time anyway. why not do it in ways that bring you what you want in life.

you have the rest of your life to answer.............

running fast.

allow me to indulge the obsessive athlete in me for a moment or two..............

this is one of my favorite nlp execises. it exemplifies how our ability to visualise our reality drives our brain chemistry to make our bodies do what we want.

imagine running. imagine running really fast. so fast that your heartbeat is hammering in your ears and your lungs feel like they`re going to explode and your legs are so tight they feel like the muscle is goingt to tear off the bone.
really build up the sensations in your imagination.
if you have a hard time getting the right feelings as you sit thinking, go out and actually run hard for a moment or two.
now you have the body sensations.......relax and breathe comfortably as you build an internal picture of yourself running hard yet relaxed. powerfully launch yourself forward like a big hunting cat across the savannah racing toward a a rocket. feel your legs pumping, you heart pounding and your lungs bursting to get oxygen to the muscles as they go.

as you blast forward toward your target, notice at the side of your vision there are trees or fence posts that go by like light poles on the highway, giving you a sense of speed. like in a video game of driving fast through city streets. notice as you run harder and faster that the posts move by ever more quickly at the edge of your vision. concentrate hard on this aspect of your vision and as you are fully aware of both your body straining and what you see whizzing by out of the corner of your eye....................

make the posts go by at double the speed.

bang. did you feel the adrenalin dump?

i did as i typed. each time i do this exercise i get a thrill because as fast as we can run we know we can go faster.

in athletics this is called overrunning. it is done by being towed behind a car or running hard downhill. it trains the body to accept the idea of going faster than the mind though possible and has the effect of building new neural pathways in the mind that will be expressed in the body over time.

the exercise above has a similar effect.

i also make a racing car sound as i want to accelerate during a sccer game. this does a similar thing to the body. it dumps neuro-transmitter chemicals into the body that emulate the sensation of speed. little kids to this all the time, and get the desired response.

being at play makes the neurology do it`s best.


i love the debate about whether or not there are conspiracies at work in society. well, here is the difinitive answer.
no shit.
did you ever get with your friends on the school playground and plan to do something without others knowing?
do you think you were the first?
do you think that others didn`t do similar things?
do you think that businesssmen and politicians weren`t ever little kids on the playground?
possibly the same one you played on.

in many ways we don`t need to "grow up" so much as realise that a lot of the strategies and tactics we utilised to solve problems on the playground are equally as effective now.
if you are conspiracy-minded, of course.........

because those who make decisions for you are.

that`s why they seem to be one step ahead.

spirituality and enlightenment.

the traditional view of spirituality and enlightenment is one of dedication, discipline and a pious respect for the universe. while this is true and valid in the modern world, there comes a time when one has to say fuck it and just break down and pay for sex.
not neccesarily in an overt dollars-for-service way, but in a precise and determined ritualistic fashion that both parties to the first part are in agreement with. you know, dinner, dancing blah, blah.........a walk down the riverside.
to some this may seem sexist or chauvanistic, but i`ve learned recently that the traditional ethical nice guy approach gets you sitting on the back burner rapidly.
wearing my daytime nice-guy hat is the honest, heart-on-my-sleeve approach which is my authentic self. the evolving shaman/healer. the guy who makes healing happen.
the other hat is the one that sits on top of a guy who is sick of sitting alone with my fortune and letting myself feel sorry for my situation.

so i guess it`s time to make an investment...........

Monday, September 18, 2006

the strange hung-over girl in my bed in the morning.

maybe that wouldn`t be a bad idea though......occasionally.

it is all about balance after all. life isn`t all about has to knuckle down to the more difficult tasks, like picking up women.

it`s about time...........

no pictures...............

in the last few days i`ve tried to post some pictures and for some reason blogger is having technical issues that prevent me from doing so.
shame..........i`ve got a picture of harry potter`s car that i think you`re gonna like.

anyway, the earth will keep spinning in spite of this technological always does. that`s what i like about the big things, like planets. they tend to be so damned predictable and reliable. always spinning properly and facing the right way and just the right distance from the sun and far enough away from high speed asteroids that could mess up your day........

seems like someone or something arranged it just right.

or maybe we`re the end product of things just happening this way randomly.

either way, i just love those sunsets and mountains and wildlife and walks on the beach and my guitars...........oh, how i could go on about my guitars. the tone is better than sex........

that`s right. better than sex. unless the sex includes harmonic which case the sex would be similar.........if sex had tube distortion and natural power tube overdrive then the sex would be better. and if you could run sex through a 4x12 cabinet then there would be no comparison.

but you can`t.

so the tone is better than sex...............and it never ends. and it never has a headache. and there`s no uncomfortable waking up in bed with a strange hung-over girl in the morning..........

................................and you can have as many guitars as you like. they don`t complain. just as long as you play them all now and then, everything is fine.

and in the long run it`s cheaper too.


so let`s play with this concept. to nominalise what we`ve just seen we can say that we are able to build robots that are becoming more life-like all the time. but let`s apply some filters to the nominalisation and see what happens.

liability filter; what if the thing can arm it`s self?

legal filter; what if it causes injury.

sociological filter; do these things have rights?

play filter; does it play chess?

conspiracy filter; will they replicate and take over?

government filter; they mustn`t be allowed to replicate and take over.

mad scientist filter; let`s give them guns and we can rule the world.

what`s your filter?

Saturday, September 16, 2006

an example of what i`ve learned.

i used to be terribly afraid of public speaking. terrified. avoid at all costs. run.

now i give lectures and run seminars and i look forward to being there up front getting people going.

how did that happen, you ask?

like this.

i went inside and imagined the most exciting thing that i could and saw it in perfect clarity. the colours, the sounds, the smells, the movement........everything.
in my case i chose a goal that i scored in a soccer game. it could be any event that is personal, exciting and stimulating to you that when you remember it, it makes you want to jump and shout like you did when you first experienced it.

so now you have that event in your mind.
you can run it over and over and make it brighter, louder and faster or whatever it takes to make the feelings grow. you can add extra stuff like yelling or more elements ( a bigger crowd ) and really ramp up the stimulation of the event in your mind.

in my scenario i added a larger crowd, more yelling and at the end, a trumpet fanfare. i get goose bumps just hearing the the horns right now.

this state is what i work to attain just before i go in front of a group of people. do you think i`m smiling?

it is impossible to be nervous and sick and ready to run when you feel that good, i promise you.

then what?

once you have shut the irritating voice up substantially then you can begin to encourage yourself, make yourself smile and generally begin to expect the miraculous........because this is what happens when you take over your consciousness and begin to start driving the bus. all the good things you would like in your life begin to arrive.
because, as you learned in the last post, the dialog creates reality.

have you ever been around calm, happy people for any length of time? it starts to rub off and you become calm and happy too.

imagine what a person like that says to themselves all day............

they certainly recognise some nice things going on around them and think that nice things are going to happen........and they do. like you noticing how happy and calm they are. that`s a good place to start.

calm, happy people make better decisions and are generally more effective in thier work.

the dialogue never stops.........

the dialogue i`m refering to is the one in your head.........

the one that just questioned the last sentence you read.

we are so unconscious of this chatter that when it stops for whatever reason we are surprised.

then we go right on talking to ourselves.

the meditative arts strive to stop the dialogue and remain in silence. it`s hard to do and takes a long time sitting quietly and detaching from thoughts and feelings. many practice all thier lives striving for stillness and silence and never find it.

who`s to judge what practice is correct or appropriate for someone. my personal view is that too much time spent meditating eats into my interaction with life......the people, places and things that are the everything that is interesting to me alive on this planet right now. if my activities don`t lead to a person a place or a thing then i feel cut off in some profound way.

now, before the yoga and meditation types start hammering the keys, let me repeat what i said before............who`s to judge what`s correct or appropriate for someone........if you find strength and purpose and peace sitting quietly on a mat then that`s beautiful, but here`s the thing. the dialog creates the world.


we live in a linguistic construct.

there is no way out for the talking carnivore.

"i think i`ll type in my blog" i said to myself........and here i am.

without the internal self-referencing there would be no action.

that`s why the yogi never succeeds............otherwise he`d never rise from the mat.

the reason why so many are drawn to yoga and other forms of meditation is that it stops the chatter that irritates them.
if your dialog irritates you then by all means learn to turn it off. that would be like turning off horrid t.v. or a yappy dog or a boring professor.

but what if you could simply and easily learn to talk to yourself in nicer ways? better tonality and more encouraging ideas.......
well, you can. it`s simple. the next time you realise that you are nagging the shit out of yourself , say "shut the fuck up" your head, of course, and then smile. because it`s funny.

people that i work with tell themselves to shut the fuck up all the time, and smile, knowing that they are winning the game of life.

speaking of looking in the mirror......

i had some promo shots done for my new website and the photographer suggested black and white. i don`t think they turned out too badly actually.

looking in the mirror.

look in the mirror and what do you see?
what looks back?
what is the image doing?

now realise that the whole universe you exist in is a mirror into your soul.

do things look different now?

lifting up the edge to see what`s underneath.

when we dare to do this we begin to grow.

when we constantly go back to the same old conflicts over and over, we get to the point where we have to say..........enough is enough.

a good friend asked me recently what i`d learned after going through a substantial change in my life. i answered evasively that i was determined to make fresh start, build my buisiness and begin to enjoy life again. though this answer was substantially true, it wasn`t what she wanted to know.

what i have learned is that we can`t continue to react the same way to situations.

when we react we are running a preconcieved program that says;

if this happens, then i`ll do this.

it`s a simple way to not have to think about things.............just run the program, right?

well, what happens is that new situations and people aren`t part of what you originally experienced when you pre-supposed.
so the issues can`t be dealt with the same way, now can they?

how would you like it if someone kept reacting to you the way they reacted to other situations in thier past and accused you of being part of those scenarios?

that would be painful and destructive.......yet that`s what we continue to do.

people keep nailing jesus to the cross every day.......over and over.

we do it to our selves too...........until we learn.

Thursday, September 14, 2006

my new gym.

i am staying with friends temporarily and this is my new gym, tucked in behind the rest of my worldly possessions in my friends garage. many thanks to peter and gail for thier hospitality and understanding of my basic need to make iron fly.............

i like experiments like this......they tend to be scientifically heretical but valid and true nonetheless.

Wednesday, September 13, 2006

the highest purpose in all this.......

i discovered something recently that was a reminder of what makes everything work perfectly in this existance. i discovered the unconditional love for everything........myself included.

now that`s all well and good, but what about the difficult, painful experiences.....the ones that you wish would end but just continue relentlessly?

you have to look for the highest purpose in what they are doing in your life. right now.

i broke my ankle a week ago friday. i tried twice after that to play soccer but the pain got worse each time and so i got x-rays, which confirmed the break.

i won`t be playing soccer for quite a while. i can walk, ride a bike, lift weights and most everything else but run..........and there`s the key.

no more running.

soccer has been an escape for me. when i`m running i`m free. but now is the time to face all that has happened in my life this last year and get right back to work and life and passion and creativity. soccer will be there when i am healed, but for now i will be forced to walk for a while and take stock in everything.

so that`s the highest purpose in such a painful experience.


i love technology. i love the toys. i recently moved and the people i`m staying with have a wireless network set up for thier i got a wireless card for my laptop and joined the land of the free in the sense that i can roam around the house with my laptop and do my work. it`s great......i even streamed a documentary the other day while sitting in the tub. very cool. whoever invented and developed this stuff, thanks.

the here and now.

there is only one moment in our experience.

our well-being exists in this perpetual now.

the illness and disease that we experience is a direct result of the neccesity we believe we have in a future. all of our psychic energy goes into what will happen in the future, or what has happened in the past. these constructs are fantasies that we create so that we can belong to modern society.

try to know, for a moment, that you are now existing in tomorrow.

did you succeed?

i didn`t think so.

so why is it that we put so much emphasis on this hallucination?

granted, we are existing in yesterday`s tommorow........but that`s a little bit of semantic fun......the reality is that we are always here and now. today. this instant.

it never stops.

why the emphasis?............materialism, consumerism......the accumilation of things. working hard to retire.............tommorow. a bigger house, more toys, blah, blah, blah.

all that does is makes us unhappy now, in the only place where reality exists.

so, what`s the cure?

focus on the moment, like a child. immerse yourself in the thing you are doing right now.......completely. do it with all of your being.

then go on to the next thing.

we don`t really have much of a choice though, when you think about it, do we?

so why get stressed about things that could happen in a place and time that never exists?


abundance is a natural part of the universe. it is goes on forever. for some reason we limit ourselves in this material existance while the freaking magnificent display of manifest abundance dances before us. it is so obviously at odds with our limiting beliefs that i just simply fefuse to accept the limits that others use to keep themselves unhappy.
things don`t always work out the way we want them to. if they did we would be bored fairly quickly. the struggle is part of the thrill of it all. the neuro-chemical soup we make for ourselves thrives on this hunt and gather behaviour.

we are hard wired for adversity.

we can use this for or against ourselves. unfortunately most people use it against themselves and crash and burn long before they succeed.

failure is a great teacher. fail early and often with an open heart and you will eventually succeed.

nobody gets it right first time every time.

but look at all there is around us. someone is getting it right once in a while.

why shouldn`t it be you and i?

make a list..................

make a list of all the things you are grateful for.

here`s one that i made;

my boys.
my abilities.
my consciousness.
my fortune.
my ability to land on my feet.
my guitars.
my guitar playing.
my health.
my sense of humour......(which has not forsaken me.)
my patience.....knowing.
my dreams.
my ability to dare myself to be something.
the girl who came into my life and tested me.

it is an incomplete list. it will always be incomplete. we continue to recieve the abundance of experience each and every moment of our day and our dreams. being grateful keeps the energy flowing and aligns us with this creative force that manifests it`s self in abundance.

more on babe ruth.

so, i was wrong.....babe ruth had several albums out. the link above is to a fan site with lots of info about the band and news of some recording for a new album.

very cool.

i never realised how much the band had influenced my playing style until i began to watch and play along to the mexican.

babe ruth.

not the baseball player, but a rock band that was one of my favorites when i was young. they only had two albums out. the first was called, surprisingly, first base.........i found a copy on cd recently and was delighted to find the music as fresh and powerful as i remembered it.

hope you enjoy it.

Tuesday, September 12, 2006


today`s word is gratitude.......can you say that? i knew you could.

mr. rogers always creeped me out.

anyway, gratitude...... get grateful. recognise what you have, your gifts, your talents, your friends, your opportunities and the challenges that test you and help you recognise yourself.

how do you show gratitude? by honouring yourself with love. meditate on the things that you are grateful for and realise that these things share your life for a reason. it is generally because you are loving that you are recieving......that`s the connection.


today`s message is one of acceptance. accept that which is put before us. be grateful for the wonder of all the gifts we have recieved and then let it go back to the universe..............knowing that it is perfect.

any discomfort is our will to control.

our will to control causes the pain we percieve as desire.

nature reveals it`s self.

my friend al sent me this picture. he took it in st.catherines, ontario. to me this image represents the fragility of nature and at the same time it`s determination to persist in our consciousness when we recognise it all around us.

and include ourselves as an integral part of it.........from it and in it.

Monday, September 11, 2006

who`s driving your bus?

when we smile, whether we force ourselves to or not, the act of smiling sends messages via the nerves to the brain to release neuro-transmitter chemicals into the bloodstream. this drug that we just created makes us feel good.

try it now.


no really........look in the mirror and smile.

feel silly and do it again.

now. that`s a real feeling derived from deliberately choosing to feel good.......for no reason. other than the fact that it will save your life.

and the question you have to ask is, if you aren`t choosing your own feelings, who is?

Sunday, September 10, 2006

my religion.......

the religion that i start......or i guess i am starting......or perpetuating is one of joy and unconditional love for one`s self.

why is that so important?

simply because if you are totally in love with yourself you aren`t likely to be at risk of the types of destructive behaviours that people engage in on a daily basis that makes life difficult.

this is a short list of things that we engage in when we forget to love ourselves unconditionally;


this list reminds me of the emotional state of the dogmatists and lovers of laws and moralist that are trying to make others do what the want them to do in the name of god. thou shall not............

i say, thou yourself unconditionally and accept yourself and get away from relationships and situations where you are conditionally accepted.

otherwise you will live a life limited to the list above.

the buddhist view.

i take a naive view on life........simple observations about people, places and things that seem so obvious to me come to some as a revelation or makes me wonder what people see, hear and feel all day.
for instance, i was in a book store the other day and saw a book on buddhism and on the back cover was a statement about how buddhism was different from traditional western religions in that it held the belief that humans strive naturally toward finding joy and are happiest when doing so.

so traditional western religions believe something different?

and that`s a good thing?

religious dogmatists want people to follow the rules. these people are technocrats of the highest order.
no smiling allowed.

give me a laughing fat man to follow any day. or maybe i`ll smile some more and walk my own path. either way i`ll be free to choose joy and`s what we all want, after all.

my sister and her horse.

this is a picture of my little sister abbie and her horse arawin at her farm on a hill in wiltshire, england. the rolling hills behind her lead to salisbury palin and stonehenge. this whole area is a place of magic and wonder, and a great place to raise horses.

another radio interview.

here`s another interview i did with mike hagen of radiorbit. my show was on 11/28/05. at the end of the first hour i hypnotised mike and the listening audience of several thousand people, easily my largest audence ever.........very cool experience.

radio interview.

here is the link to the radio interview that i did with marc stevens on august 26th 2006. it was a great discussion about pre-suppositions and it evolved into media mind control. tell me what you think..........

Saturday, September 09, 2006

from over a year ago........

i posted this when i first started writing this blog. time has flown this last year and this blog has helped me to stay grounded when the storm that has been this last year began to blow. i am glad to say that the words i wrote then hold up as clear, concise and accurate and contain the basis of my thinking about how we know we are alive.......and hopefully can attain some peace as a result.

the collective unconscious.

carl jung was a psychologist who was a contemporary of freud but who`s views of psychology differed from freud`s in many ways. it is not important here the differences in thier viewpoints so much as what jung believed about our spiritual consciousness. he believed that we transmit all of our thoughts into a bank that he called the collective unconscious. this collective unconscious is accessable by people who are sensitive enough or are sensitized enough due to experience of an intense nature. the collective unconscious communicates to us all through dreams, visions, metaphors, coincedances, signs, portents, omens, meaningful occurances or the simple words of a child. the entire world we live in is a transmitter of messages from the collective unconscious back to us. it is beaming messages all the time. from the moment we are born to the moment we die..................and deyond.

we have just lost the ability to stay focused on it for some reason.

that reason may just be modern society.

my adventure in the labyrinth was just the begining of my journey back to the collective unconscious. the intuitive realm of the shaman.......the intuitive healer........the artist.

to heal myself.


but i`m biased..............................

i highly recommend this video. it is an hour long but it is well worth the time. it will shed light on how the world actually operates from a legal and commercial standpoint, which is where our existance is, fuel and shelter.

Thursday, September 07, 2006

the labyrinth.

this evening i walked the labyrinth for the first time. i was hesitant at first as i have a healthy respect for the subconscious and all that is resting there as a result of what i`ve experienced in the last year. i found that as i walked around i became calmer and even though no real thoughts formed or conclusions were drawn, i came away relaxed and at peace.
i only managed to complete half the journey, reaching the center and pausing there so as to instruct myself to process things into conscious thought in the next twelve hours. there was another person walking the path and he was agitated as he walked and i found his energy distracting so i cut my visit short.
i will go again soon. probably after dark when there is less likelyhood of distractions. the labyrinth is located in a public park with soccer fields and a community center so it is a busy place in the early evening.

why the long face?

someone had put this on the sidewalk where i ride every day and i just had to take a picture and share it with you.............
at first glance it looks like it was done in chalk, but it has been there all summer so it must be something more permenant.

falling in love with two women at the same time......

and i will never be forced to make a choice....................

aligning with the creative spirit.

i have been away from writing for some weeks now and distracted with moving and the shift in my spiritual center, so the ease with which ideas came before are now somewhat elusive as i sit to type. i will be patient and wait for inspiration as i always have with the knowledge that the ideas and form will come soon enough.
a friend in town has built a labyrinth in a public space that helps with the meditative and creative process. i was talking to her today and she reminded me that it was there and that, when i`m ready, i`m to walk it.

i will go tonight and tell you what i learned.


i have recently become seperated both physically, emotionally and legally from the mother of my children and a friend of mine asked me what i had experienced once i went through the door for the final time. my first answer was freedom, a sense of a weight being lifted from my shoulders and a coming together of my friends in validation of my individual self.........but what i realised today was that my vision for what it is i`m going to do in the next few years was something that my relationship wasn`t able to support.

now i have the freedom to meet that vision. it`s time.

Wednesday, September 06, 2006

well, hello..................

it`s been an interesting few weeks getting moved to new accomodations and finding my way back to blogging. i lost my password and username info as it was on my other computer which is in storage, so i haven`t been able to log on......thankfully blogger help finally got back to me with new access information and so the postings will begin again in the next few days.........