Monday, April 30, 2007

a different kind of anger.

have you ever had someone angry at you?

i think we all have at one time or another.

there comes a time where you realise that the anger someone is displaying in front of you has absolutely nothing to do with you at all.

it is in times like these where we get a new sense of things...........

a realisation that you are actually growing.

for the first time in a long while i can actually say that i`ve made a change in my life for the better.

and as painful as it is to see the anger in another person close to you, you can at least seperate yourself out and not take on the burden.

interesting 24 hours.

Sunday, April 29, 2007


i will post all comments sent to hypgnosys.

for me it is important that we all communicate.

without communication we have nothing.

there is a small problem i`d like to adress though..........

it is the one regarding anonymous postings.

i respect the idea of anonymity, it is part of the need for safety we all require in a fucked up world.

but don`t abuse the position by firing volleys thinking that you are inured in some way from reply.

all you are doing is exposing your frailty.

have the courage of your convictions like the rest of us here and put a face to your position.

you will respect yourself as a result.

light training.

after the two indoor training sessions this past week it was nice to have a little more relaxed run round this morning in the spring sunshine.

it was a good way to get some fitness without destroying the muscles this early in the season.

each spring it is the same challenge.

the transition from the indoor small field game to the long 70-80 yard sprinting of the outdoor game.

and so the transition begins.

i will be sore inthe morning.

Saturday, April 28, 2007


in the clinical setting, not unlike in the world, we are constantly searching for meaning in the behaviour of others.

professionally i am asked to "find the problem" and here is part of how i approach the process.

as i have stated elsewhere, we see images and hear voices and sounds in our heads. we also smell smells and feel feelings and taste things and gain and retain our balance.

everyone does this slightly differently.

we all see, hear, taste, smell and feel and move.......but some are more predominantly biased to one mode than another.

these elements in nlp are called sub-modalities.

nlp is neuro-linguistic programming.

so i watch how a person sees what they are seeing or feels what they are feeling or smelling or tasting.

you can see by watching how a person`s breathing deepens or speeds up at a suggestion, or thier eyes start moving differently as they see thier pictures.

learning to read people this way is inate in some.

i`ve seen some masters who`ve never heard of nlp or hypnosis.

babies are masters. they unlearn as they grow.

so, once i calibrate a person`s way of doing thier world, i apply it to new experiences in my mind as we proceed and get a substantial understanding of how thier life is working or not.


in speaking with a friend today he told me a story of a business associate of his that he played golf with that would always begin to throw his clubs when he became frustrated.

this becomes difficult to deal with when you are trying to concentrate on a game like golf.

imagine what it must have been like inside the other guy`s head.

it comes down to this; don`t make decisions or try to do things that are important when you are pissed off.

otherwise you will throw your clubs.

or, as they say where i come from, throw your teddy from the pram.

today`s gnosis.

i know few things with absolute certainty.

the one thing that i know with absolute certainty is that we all see pictures in our heads and hear voices.

the traditional religious and psychiatric postion on this is that these are hallucinations and/or demons.


so we show ourselves pictures that sometimes move in rich detail with a soundtrack and we hear voices and we even talk to ourselves as well.

and we are in control of the process.

the debate you are now having in your mind is all the proof you need.

more proof is how your memory replays scenarios that are re-enactments of things you experienced.

and the list goes on.

once you embrace this process as natural and vital to the human experience you can begin to pick and choose which movies and which soundtracks you run and when.

because your entire life is a reaction to the ones you`ve been watching so far.

Friday, April 27, 2007


two hours of running after a soccer ball is the best therapy imaginable.

i am healed.

i can`t walk mind you, but i am healed.

interesting conversation.

i had an interesting conversation with a friend recently about the role of spiritual leadership within the church and society in general.

it was my position that many church leaders are aware of the true nature of spiritual enlightenment and that they conciously choose to limit thier congregation`s access to the knowledge.

my friend disagreed.

his position is that the church is a bureaucracy and that the officers and executive are as spiritually bancrupt and the majority of those whose who sit in front of them on sunday.

it is still my position that there are those in the church who have some personal enlightenment but i realise, as my friend pointed out, that one cannot spout doctrine and dogma for a lifetime and be in any way enlightened.

point taken.

spiritual developement.

i have been criticised for my position regarding ideas about conscience and obligation.

the reason for this criticism is clear.

my critics want me to be seen as selfish.

there is nothing further from the truth.

it is my desire for people to be comfortable enough with themselves to be able to stay out of other people`s shit.

it is the moral position of the church that we should be concerned with the behaviours and values of others and this gives people the authority to be judgemental.

this is at direct odds with what i believe enlightenment to be.

i would consider the churches position to be one of encumberment.

heaping burdens on people that they can`t possibly carry.

the spritual path.

the spiritual path is not one of obligation to others.

it is to development of the self.

to an understanding of what it means to be alive and at peace in a storm of consciousness.

so many in the "new age" are asking how we can help eachother, yet are in turmoil personally.

you cannot begin to work with others effectively without being aware of dealing with your own stuff first.

if everyone could begin to become slightly more self-aware we wouldn`t be charging around attempting to do good things out of ego so much.

how can i tell the difference?

interesting question.

mostly by the arguements people have in protecting thier ego positions.

a simple observation helps me somewhat.

i noticed that there are always efforts afoot to help the poor in other countries and disaster relief funds enjoined, yet there are still poor and hungry and abused and confused and lonely people here right on our own doorstep..........

and people are unable to help them.

in fact people get angry and defensive if you suggest that we should.

Thursday, April 26, 2007


i just realised something in conversation with a friend.

i can`t forgive.

i have no place or position to forgive.

it is only ego that forgives.

it is only ego that wishes to forgive.

i just accept.

Wednesday, April 25, 2007

there are good days and bad days.

then there is today.

i`m not going to provide details here, but today has gone from one extreme to another.

in the space of eight hours i`ve been first extatic and now despondent.

so high and then so low.

this old heart cannot take a ride like this any more.

one simple joy shared this morning i will treasure forever.

one deep confusion this evening will haunt me as long...............

Tuesday, April 24, 2007


anthony was good enough to point out that fear is a cause of anger.

possibly the root cause.

we are born with two fears; fear of falling and fear of loud noises.

everything else is learned.

begs the question.

who`s doing the teaching?

types of anger.

a short list.

feel free to add your own as you see fit.

moral indignation.






schardenfriede. (unsure of the correct spelling of this one.......)


these are a few of the origins of anger. not the anger it`s self, but it`s causes.

and who are we to judge whether these feelings are right or wrong for a person to feel and to react to?

the only person we can control is ourselves.

and even then...............

Sunday, April 22, 2007

question for debate.

is anger something that passes with spiritual maturity?

what is spiritual maturity?

what is anger?


conscience = arrogance.

or in transactional terms; i`m ok; you`re not ok.

it is a game we are all taught at an early age.

"help others less fortunate than yourself ".

why only those?

why not yourself ?

the morality we are taught as children grinds us as we try to wake up into consciousness.

the conscience we are taught forces us to look outwardly for acceptance and to judge others.

so others are judging us as they strive for a piece of our acceptance too.

how good is that to know?

so here we are, living in world of laws and judgement all the way up to the supreme court.

even our love has to become a legal matter.

what is the antidote then?


Saturday, April 21, 2007

would you accept my apology?

no, i think not.

in fact i`m certain that you won`t.

because you couldn`t stand to let go of the anger for a moment to feel something like human frailty and accept forgiveness.

my forgiveness.

and why do i know this?

because you are me.

because the anger is the thing that props you up and protects you from the pain of the pain.

and the phony world of words that allows the judgement you proclaim.

the pain of the pain.

you know what i mean.

if not for that surging anger, what would be left?

today is a new day.

or is it?

are you going to do the same things?

are you going to feel the same way?

are you going to be defeated once again?

who is the god who makes the grass green?

it`s so fucking simple really.

i`m not sorry for waking you up........

i`m just beginning.

what is authentic?

there will soon be seven billion people on the planet.

most of whom have never heard of a doctorate.

these people live and love and laugh and cry and give birth and lie and cheat and steal and get it wrong and then get it right and then dream and hope and smile and wish and work and push and fight and plan and invest and save and spend and go in debt and break up and marry and live together and meet new people and see thier children grow and grow old and get sick and get better and eventually die.

and they all do this with absolute authenticity.

and nobody told them how to do it.


nobody told us how to be born.

or be conscious.

or see.

or feel.

or hear.

or cry.

or love.

but someone, somewhere is planning to start a certification course.

What kind of divinity training are you going for?

only a person caught up in the appearances of accreditation would ask such a question.

and for those nothing is ever enough......................

my divinity is a certain knowledge in what i have felt since i was a child.

the thing that this sorry sad world lacks.

the capacity to love.

immutable and simple.

not creatable or destroyable or even changable in any way.

it is the thing that brings us all here and makes towers shoot up into the sky and makes planes fly.

the laws of men bind us in judgement and find fault in the slightest thing.

then it makes it easy to deny love when it`s right there in front of you smiling.

so........nail me to the cross if you will.

it won`t stop your pain.

sorry i woke you from your sleep.

scam artist.

the idea that because a man`s philosophy differs from the status quo, one must be some kind of snake oil salesman is one that shouldn`t suprise me.

it`s good to know that certain people feel that way before they get the nails out..........

Friday, April 20, 2007

oh yeah and.........`s hitler`s birthday today.

and my ex`s.

you just can`t make this kind of thing up.


who comes up with this shit?

Thursday, April 19, 2007


................and the net will appear.

and do you notice that the ones who disagree have never lept before?

interesting link.

says a lot about what is going on and where we are all heading........

welcome the morning.

welcome the morning.

this is the gift we are given, that of life.

make your morning a celebration.

and in case you hadn`t noticed, unless you do, nobody else is going to...............;

let`s find a way to celebrate.

i don`t care what method you choose, and niether does your soul (nervous system/ neuro-chemistry......)

all that matters is that you start to recognise that you are alive.

you could do like the children do and just begin to play.

jump up and down until you laugh.

or would that be silly?

i didn`t say you had to tell anyone..........


maybe when you stop laughing.

Wednesday, April 18, 2007

camo wednesday..........

welcome to camo wednesday........
if you got camo, now`s the time to show it........or something.


we are trapped in it.

we can not stop.

being unreasonable is a crime.

so we have to persist.

thankfully the cage is semantic.

once we realise that we are caught in the meaning we give to a reason.......then we can breathe a sigh of relief.

and be unreasonable.

because it`s the only way to be free.


.................good feelings. for no reason.

reason is the dialog inside.

the noise in the head.

when that stops the world beigns.

input is possible.

so how do we choose good feelings for no reason?

by remembering.

remember a good feeling from the past.

got one?

could you make one up?

when you have got one then continue reading.

once you remember a good feeling.......or a memory that creates that good feeling realise that the memoryis made up of elements of sight, sound, smell, taste and sensation.

so now begin to see what you saw.

hear the sounds that make you remember.

some of the smells if you can.



and notice that when you focus on these sensations that you can amplify the colurof a green field of the blue of a sky...........

or the roar of the crowd.

the smell of baking in the kitchen or her sweet perfume.

and her touch.

and you are right back there in time and space re-experiencing that good feeling.

the more you do this, the more you amplify the feelings.

and the better you feel.


Tuesday, April 17, 2007


literary allusion gone wrong......

like most people`s lives.

and i hear this all the time. " it seemed like a good idea at the time".

Monday, April 16, 2007

here`s some fun.

try to move the small block in the center around without getting touched by the moving blocks or touching the outer wall.

fighter pilots are expected to do this for minutes at a time.

let me know how far you get.

Saturday, April 14, 2007

freud said........

.............that the irish are impervious to psychoanalysis.

thankfully someone is.

Friday, April 13, 2007

a welcome.

to new readers......whoever you may be, and for whatever purpose.

and when we meet, smile.

you know who i`m talking about.

the tower.

climb the stairs one at a time. ever higher you climb.....not knowing why you climb yet onward and upward you go.

up inside the tower you rise and realise that any moment now the whole thing will come crashing down.

and still you chose to climb.

nothing will stand in the way of your choice to do this even though you know it means the destruction of everything that went before.


and ever still you climb.

step by step.

watching and knowing what will eventually happen.

and when the moment of destruction comes, remember to be resolute in your purpose.

take no prisoners.

no blame.

just responsibility.

it is the way of the warrior.

Sunday, April 08, 2007


someone wished me a happy easter today and i made a joke about it being one of those odd christian celebrations, and the woman got hostile with me........

it made me realise the thin veneer of civility that people of religion have for people with other ways of expressing thier spirituality.......sometimes.

being a student of history and religion and divinity etc. i have a perspective on things that the indoctrinated don`t have access to, and maybe i`m being a little unfair by joking with them about thier holy days.

or maybe it`s my right to be protective of my position.

anyway, hopefully you spent time with those you love today........whatever the reason.

and had some chocolate bunny ears.

the best bit.

Saturday, April 07, 2007

for bill.

since i was six years old i have known, without reservation, that the words of men are hollow and frightened.

hollow from lack of love and knowledge of the divine, and frightened by the fragility of the intellect.

when i began to speak of love and open up to it myself then my fear went away.

nothing to do with university or who knows more than anyone else.

i know fuck all.

i just feel more than most.

when i think i am wrong. when i act i am right.........every time.

Wednesday, April 04, 2007


recently things have been such that i haven`t felt the urge to communicate.

during this period there have been those who have suggested doing certain things to effect change and to manipulate situations and people for my benifit..........

and you know what?

i`m realising that it has been better to just do nothing.

and the world still spins.

and my concerns persist.

and there is nothing i can do to change the fact.

now i have to do laundry.

Sunday, April 01, 2007

new post.

i will be returning to regular posting soon.

some meat world challenges have temporarily distracted me.

more to follow.