Sunday, February 07, 2010

10 uses for a bureaucrat.

bureaucrats are a special breed. they roll in packs, writing policy and sitting in endless meetings dicussing more kafkaesque ways to divert the money supply to thier pet projects, and generally telling other people what to do. cut-backs mostly miss them and they lurk behind voice-mails and key-card security in thier third floor offices.

i suppose it is better to leave them well fed and protected in thier compartments than to have them roving the streets with nothing to do all week....but if, for some reason, they become redundant, here are some suggestions to maintain productivity.

1. fence posts. bureaucrats are rigid and tall standing and would be ideal for the task.

2. sign posts. a broad understanding of highway traffic laws...and all laws for that matter, make bureaucrats ideal for this job.

3. bridge supports. sure, strength and determination are pre-requisites for holding up a bridge.

4. goal posts. cut, nailed and painted white...several bureaucrats could find a second career holding a net in place during a soccer match.

5. i wanted to suggest they would make a good back yard deck, but bureaucrats don`t support anything but thier own agendas, so making them into a flat, rigid surface for people to walk on wouldn`t work.

6. flag pole. yup. flag-flying is a hallmark bureaucrat job.

7. tent poles. occasionally, unless you really wanted to go camping....in which case they would be unavailable until a week tuesday.

8. boat. for the most part, bureaucrats planed flat and glued together would make a fine watercraft, but there would be leaks...so bring a bucket.

9. airplane. that wouldn`t fly.

10. bridge. successfully spanning a gap is what bureaucrats talk about incessantly. rhetoric is one thing, practicality is another. be prepared for collapse under even moderate use.

4 comments:

Grant said...

Don't forget about ballistics testing.

dr.alistair said...

like the volkwagon commercials?

luckee1 said...

Well you made me laugh with this post. I just heard you on American Freedom Radio. And learned of your blog from there.

That was some great information you shared. My dad called that thing you did, "Pre-suggestive thought".

I haven't watched TV in years, as I hate the commercials, and it drives me nuts to see these games in play, and the viewers don't seem to see it for what it is. My friends know better than to ask me to watch TV with them, as I go off about the 'programming'. It is quite comical sometimes when I point out to them, that they cannot tell me what all products were advertised during the commercial segment. They try to recall what all just went by in their eyes.

Anyway, your '10 uses for a bureaucrat' made me laugh out loud, alot. Thanks for that.

dr.alistair said...

glad you enjoyed the show and the post.

i haven`t blogged in a while as i just get staggered by all the lady gaga and justin beeber fans going to the casino and eating 4500 calories a day.

sleepy sheep snoring their lives away.