the authentic self.

the authentic self will always shine through. you cannot hide it over the time. it is like a beacon shining through the fog.
when you take on the role of honesty in your feelings and follow your heart you can never be wrong. others may disagree, they may criticise and they may leave.......but the honesty remains.
it is this honesty that supports your self estimate, the "self-esteem'' that people talk about as being valuable but give to definition for. it is plainly an integrity of how the heart dictates your actions.
people know the truth about others. they can see the authentic and can tell the difference between that and a mask. unless they are full of anxiety themselves.
as we learn to take faith in the authentic self we start to be more and more honest, firstly with ourselves, and then with others. through all this we come to become so confident in our actions that others take notice.
this is called respect.
many times it is grudgingly given..........or never at all. but we only need one person`s respect anyway. our self.
it all comes back to the confidence we have in the process of unconditional love for the self.

weakness.

well, we live in a society that recognises and rewards the strong. theose who can press on and continue to be productive in spite of it all.
to what end though?
the denial of sensitivity to all that goes on around us at the subtle level leaves us as robots doing repetitive tasks to exaustion and very little else but to spend the money we recieve as a result of our efforts.
round and round we go in this loop until we die.
as a sensitive type i cannot buy into the robot life. there is something deep insode me that makes robotic behavior abhorent to me. i cannot work in a factory or dig ditches or continue to do renovations in the building trades any longer. i have to be honest to the voice inside that calls me to a higher purpose to my existance..........to help others sort this exact isssue out.
i am the witch doctor, or shaman of the village. i have been to the edge of perception in human terms and looked into the void. for me there`s little fear in looking into the inky black unknown. it`s far more comfortable to go to the outer bounds of this thing we call consciousness than to accept the dull, dim existance of subsistance.
i know there`s more to be had in this life. i see the abundance all around us. the joy and happiness to be had in being alive and telling the truth.
the truth we all feel but are afraid to speak.
so i say it loud and clear and often.

with little fear of crucifixion.................

there are too many of us now.

i am a frieght train.

when i ride by the train tracks sometimes the go train passes, its green and white carriages full of commuters off to the city. occasionally in inter-city train whistles by flying to calgary or vancouver or across the border to buffalo and beyond. the real thrill is the freight trains though............these guys have two or three diesels and the carriages can stretch back for miles. when one of these passes at full throttle i can feel the pull of 10,000 horsepower deep in my guts, pushing my legs faster as they pass. it is in moments like this that i recognise the power and strength of everything around me, from the tiniest of flowers in the grass to the giant frieght trains pulling beside me to the mountains and the sky above.

we are connected to it all and when we spend the time to notice we can feel it. when we were children we did it without concern or fear. what happened?

we became desensitized for whatever personal reason and turned the sensitivity down..............to avoid the pain possibly, but in the process we have turned off the miracle that is going on around us all the time. the blindingly beautiful movie that is playing 24 hours a day. we have a ticket and reserve seating and plenty of seating for a guest or two.

or ten thousand.

and coincedentally, the show is about to begin once more............right outside your window.

i forgot...................

for just a moment, and the moment went on all summer.

i forgot that i am in love with the world............all of the simple, subtle, powerful and massive, slippery and elusive, momentary, almost invisible feelings that i feel................and all that i had was anxiety. over and over, day in and day out.

i am begining to remember now.

i will never again forget to have these feelings and won`t allow things to get in the way of the steady flow of them.

i got caught off guard in a moment of weakness. ok. no foul.

let`s just get on with the regularly scheduled life.

through this i have honoured, respected and loved myself to the very depth of my soul, and i can safely say that through it all i have done no harm.

for that i will be eternally grateful.

comments.............

i noticed today that over te past few months there have been an accumilation of comments that have gone unmoderated. this has been for a number of reasons. firstly, i was without a computer for a few weeks and was unable to physically comment, and then, quite franky, i was at a point where posting and comments were difficult due to personal challenges.
i am going through the comments folder now and, hopefully, should be able to reply to people who were gracious to comment on my wild speculation and ego-driven rants within the next few days.

thanks for posting and keep on reading.........who knows, i might learn something!

honesty.

honesty is the best policy. not with others but with one`s self. it is the most difficult task at times. we love to bullshit ourselves about things.........
and that`s ok.
but when it comes to the really serious stuff, the life and death issues, then we need to brace ourselves for the truth.
because, my friends, after a while you need to have your self-respect.

tell yourself it`s ok to buy another guitar. they are all beautiful, so another one won`t hurt one bit........and the others will understand.

but when the girl can`t make her mind up........and it`s killing you every minute, and you can`t get her out of your mind............make it for her.

you know what i mean.

make a decision that makes it work for you. now.

i know what you are thinking, what about the what-ifs?

the what-if list is a mile long and it will bury you in never making a decision.

people spend thier whole lives on the sideline saying what if................

don`t.

the only thing you have that is worthwhile is your peace-of-mind. there isn`t enough money in the world that can change that. get the peace-of-mind and the rest falls into place.

so it comes back to honesty doesn`t it?

you know when the time is right. wait for it. stalk it, and when it arrives jump at the opportunity to lay it all out.

you`ll feel better about things when you do. and no matter what happens next in someone else`s mind, you will start to get better.

i promise.

high.............

tonight i am high.........................high on life.

so high that i could have ridden to toronto and back had it not been so cold. by the time i rode back to the house at 10.30pm it was getting to late for a mad ride.

winter is fast approaching and memories of last year`s lack of snow have my fingers crossed.........but i`m not so niave as to think we`ll get a repeat, gobal warming or not.

the highs have to be embraced as brief peaks, with the clear and certain knowledge that we must descend to remain human. we must descend to remember the process of rising and falling. if all we did was sit on the peak.........then we would have nothing to compare it too.

so tonight i will revel in being like a god. high up........for tomorrow i will be merely mortal once again.

spatial metaphor.

http://darkstardigest.blogspot.com/2006/06/mirror-logic.html

the above discussion has reminded me of how powerful space is as a way of storing information mentally. in nlp study we practice looking at how different people store thier knowledge. one becomes acutely aware of how people are thinking and feeling based on how they access information in thier minds. one becomes psychic in that you can see the visual clues as to how people are forming thought. it`s literally written on thier faces......and the rest of thier bodies.
the eyes move, the breathing shifts, the posture adjusts and the movements speed up and slow down. these are all clues as to how a person is responding to how we communicate with them and how they are remembering things. with these skills sets and the trust of the client we can help them to make powerful and permenant behaviour change.

get in.......................

http://www.metacafe.com/watch/246137/goal_xabi_50m/


say no more.....................

enlightenment?

what does that word mean? enlightenment.............

to some it means the insight into things, for some it means a metaphysical state whereby one has access to knowledge and experience unavailable in hte physical and mundane, for some it means religious understanding, for some it means magical power, for some it means happiness (whatever that means.......) and so on.

to me it means plainly being lighter.

lighter of mood. lighter of spirit. lighter of mind. less attached and restricted.
lighter physically too. when i am one with everything i can run faster, ride faster, i`m physically stronger and athletically more effective.

and i`m able to make better decisions about things.

for me enlightenment is boundless energy and spirit to be involved in the matters of the world we live in. a zest for life.

passion.

what is pushing up?

like the tiny blades of grass beneath the pavement, determined to see the light of day, there are ideas, dreams, concepts and pure feelings that are pushing up and out into conscious reality each and every moment of our lives.
deep inside of us.
each and every moment.
they shape our whole being and even though we are mostly unaware that they exist, except maybe in dreams or moments of waking fantasy, these forms of energy operate inside nontheless.
how does the grass know to keep pushing against cold, dark stone?
how do we know what to do next to keep going?

the knowledge of that sense of destiny that quietly whispers when we are still inside...........

the pain.

the pain of experience is to exercise your mind.

plain and simple.

nobody wants to go through it, but if you don`t learn from the experience you are doomed to repeat it until you do.

it`s nothing to do with anyone else. it`s to do with your own relationship with your nervous system.

we are in training. i`m not sure what sport i`m training for, but the practices are a killer........

what purpose is love?

i recently went through a trial when i found myself having strong feelings for a woman i met and she didn`t respond in kind. thankfully the pain has subsided now and apart from the occasional return, the feelings are gone......to my great relief.
i talk with many people and they all tell me of similar experiences where thier lives are consumed with feelings for someone who doesn`t reciprocate.
i have to ask at this point of clarity and freedom from the pain what the hell the purpose of such totally consuming emotion is for when it fails catastrophically.
does anyone know?

what the bleep part two.

http://hypgnosys.blogspot.com/2006/09/what-bleep.html

so now you`ve gone deep into the nothing with me for a moment........now imagine how powerful a thought would be at that level. what it can do to the tiniest of energy flows. disprupt the tiniest river of material structure for long enough and cracks appear.

i remember when i was a child when my dad pointed out how grass grows out of the cracks in cement. the cells on the grass push ever so slowly against the stone, but are relentless and eventually work a crack in what seems like impossibly hard matter, yet......sure enough the grass persists. in sidewalks, driveways and paths the grass pushes through. what is important enough for you to persist over time to work out into the sun?

rupert.

http://www.sheldrake.org/homepage.html

i highly recommend this guy`s site. he has gone to the edge of science and asked some serious questions about the unusual nature of things under the surface.

can you wake an animal by staring at it?

do you know whan you are being stared at?

meet my new friend.

you are looking at a vintage early `70s ampeg v-4 all tube class "A" guitar amplifier. i owned it`s little brother the v-2 for many years and still have hearing loss because of it.
the v-2 was consevatively rated at 60 watts at 8 ohms. this guy is rated at 100 watts at 8 ohms. it`s loud enough to knock planes out of the sky and evaporate house pets.
very satisfying.

what the bleep..........?

what the bleep to we know?

when we look at the surface of our skin very carefully we see individual hairs and freckles and skin cells and the odd scar or two.

if we magnify this image ten times we see individual cells and blood vessels and nerves and anti-bodies and plasma and all the small things that make up our bodies.

if we jump another ten-fold magnification we will see the chemical composition of the structures and thier molecular makeup.

if we go another jump in magnification we are into the interior of the molecules to the atomic character of matter, where science begins to lose it`s clear understanding of what is going on.

so if we go on further magnification we discover........nothing but empty space filled with the changing pulse of energy.

whatever that is.

emotion? thought? desire? intent?

possibly.

absolutely nothing, according to science.

conscience.......in other words.

if only.........

we climbed out into the clearing and the table was already set. the waiter moved forward and offered a chair to her and she took it, not thinking.......still surprised at what she had come upon.
i had planned this for weeks in advance. i had asked a friend to go ahead up the hill before us and place a table, chairs and tablecloth, wine glasses, ice bucket and white wine and candle so that when we arrived he would be there to greet us as a waiter.
her shock was complete and delicious. we sat and my friend poured us a glass of wine and i said to him that that would be all, and he left us...........perfectly alone.
she had agreed to come for a hike on a warm summers night and i knew it was the perfect time for this. what amagical time to be alive.

if ever you meet a girl and you want her to be surprised then do this thing for her.......and let me know how it went.

because i never got the chance.

the self again.

ok. so you aren`t convinced.

close your eyes.

what happened?

you have no idea what happened because you can`t see what`s going on when your eyes are closed. you might be able to hear and feel somewhat, but without seeing the world diminishes for you.

now

imagine that you didn`t exist.

no really.........try.


did you succeed?


i didn`t think so.

we are a device that creates the universe. without the self generating things the universe ceases to exist. that`s why we are here.........to generate the universe.

big generator. generating.

what have you generated today?

the self.

a friend of mine e-mailed me today.........a little sad and sort of lethargic on this rainy friday, which is understandable, and she talked about getting on with practical business of education and self-improvement but she said that she felt as if that was being selfish, working on the self.

my answer to that is that there isn`t anything else but self. if you diminish or damage the self the whole of everything else goes with it. just remember the last time you were ill or experienced a setback. the whole world caught a cold along with you.........

self is all there is. look after it. nurture it. develop it. revel in it. spoil it. build it up and hold it upon high, for it is god.

the buddhists ask; who is the god who makes the grass green?


it is us. who else could it be?