what i want for my birthday.

this REALLY should be a clue.....

where i`ve been lately.

http://www.golfmindontario.blogspot.com/

followers.

there is a box right beside my blog posts which has pictures of those people who decided, for whatever reason, to follow my blog.

24 of you to be precise.

now, i`m not so ego driven that i need each of you to comment on each thing that i post, but.....out of the 24 people who follow, approximately 6 have ever commented.

in fact the majority of the new followers have joined in the last few months, co-inciding with a decline in readership.....down from nearly 100 views per day to as low as 5 or 6.

so what are you guys doing?

10 uses for a bureaucrat.

bureaucrats are a special breed. they roll in packs, writing policy and sitting in endless meetings dicussing more kafkaesque ways to divert the money supply to thier pet projects, and generally telling other people what to do. cut-backs mostly miss them and they lurk behind voice-mails and key-card security in thier third floor offices.

i suppose it is better to leave them well fed and protected in thier compartments than to have them roving the streets with nothing to do all week....but if, for some reason, they become redundant, here are some suggestions to maintain productivity.

1. fence posts. bureaucrats are rigid and tall standing and would be ideal for the task.

2. sign posts. a broad understanding of highway traffic laws...and all laws for that matter, make bureaucrats ideal for this job.

3. bridge supports. sure, strength and determination are pre-requisites for holding up a bridge.

4. goal posts. cut, nailed and painted white...several bureaucrats could find a second career holding a net in place during a soccer match.

5. i wanted to suggest they would make a good back yard deck, but bureaucrats don`t support anything but thier own agendas, so making them into a flat, rigid surface for people to walk on wouldn`t work.

6. flag pole. yup. flag-flying is a hallmark bureaucrat job.

7. tent poles. occasionally, unless you really wanted to go camping....in which case they would be unavailable until a week tuesday.

8. boat. for the most part, bureaucrats planed flat and glued together would make a fine watercraft, but there would be leaks...so bring a bucket.

9. airplane. that wouldn`t fly.

10. bridge. successfully spanning a gap is what bureaucrats talk about incessantly. rhetoric is one thing, practicality is another. be prepared for collapse under even moderate use.

funny thing.

recently my girlfriend`s daughter college announced they were going to strike due to blah, blah, blah...

in otherwords, blackmail for more money.

typical unionist strongarming.

the strike date has been set for 11th febuary.

on the 10th of febuary, buddy, my girlfriend`s daughter`s fuckwit dog is due to have his nuts ritually removed at this same school. the school being a verterenary technology institute.

and here`s the funny thing. my girlfriend`s daughter`s dog is constantly checking to see if his nuts are still there. if he is shouted at, newspapered, smacked, or otherwise sanctioned, he will look back to see if the boys are still intact. it is almost as if he knows, at some time or another, he will be deprived of his sole purpose on this planet....and i can see his point.

my ex wanted to do the same thing to my alsatian dog rocky. my response was; no. and also, fuck off you chronic castrating bitch, you are busily psychologically chewing mine off with your teeth, leave the dog alone.

but back to buddy the retard cocker-poo (who thinks up these names? i know, the same dipshits that breed them.).

so, here`s me thinking that maybe, just maybe, in all of buddies checking and stressing and dithering he has somehow created a small rip in the fabric of time...allowing for an minor adjustment in the space-time continuum (see albert einstien`s ideas about special relitivity....this isn`t my idea, i`m not crazy.) and in so doing brought about such shifts in ideas and events that a whole school faculty decides to go on strike at precicely the time buddy was due to go in for surgery.

ok so, there are issues at work here that are outside of our ability to comprehend....especially if the concept is described using a word with two "u"s in a row like continuum...but damn if that isn`t the largest of co-incedances.

and regarding the matter of buddies nuts; he needs to lose them. having him boss of this house is wearing thin. the household has another dog. a 200 year old female tiny white something or other that insists on going into heat every six months or so even though she can barely walk or see...and so buddy goes around pissing on everything to let all the other dogs know that the bitch is his and growling and snapping at us while we keep them apart.

(sigh)

other than that, he`s a sweet, loyal, affectionate little chap who looks up at me with such love sometimes that it`s all i can do to look away.

i`m not wothy of such devotion, knowing what i know.

are you the one for him/her?

much has been written and said written recently about relationships, as is human nature. we are all looking for the right person, one way or another, to have a relationship.

recently i was in a conversation with a group of people about what we want ed in a partner, and one woman went right into listing all the things "he`d better not be/try/do."

this angry position suprised me at first, but then i realised that many people are harbouring resentment toward others due to the fact that they have had bad experiences in the past....and are determined to not have that happen again.

the problem is that it`s not the next guy/girl`s fault.

the anger you feel from past relationships will be a problem in your new relationship unless you deal with it first.

so, instead of worrying so much about whether she or he is the one for you, maybe you need to decide if you are ready to be the one for the man or woman you`d like to meet next.

if not, maybe just get a cat.

or better yet, a house plant. cats need love too.

ohoh...

http://ca.news.yahoo.com/s/capress/100129/world/eu_russia_stealth_fighter

on first glance this looks like bad news for the rest  of the world, but....when you look at the history of russian government, industry and military, you realise these people couldn`t get pissed in a distillery, never mind fight a pro-active war.

take afganistan for instance.

so, as good as the new jet might be in theory and in prototype, the on-going support and maintenance of such a plane would be a joke.

kary mullis.

acid tripper, philanderer, hippy surfer and winner of the nobel science prize for science for inventing pcr, the way to detect dna in genetic samples.

he was an expert witness at the oj simpson trial.

he has a lot to say about the functions of science, religion and government.

he`s not well liked in any of those fields these days......

local government stupidity.

http://cms.burlington.ca/Page2367.aspx

the city burlington decided to build a "world class" pier at the bottom of brant st. to celebrate thier ability to spend tax dollars like a city ten times it`s size.

they hired some acid-drugged designres to draw up a design for the pier replete with a giant spiralling cock that no burlington resident i know would have agreed to.

the building of the thing was proceeding nicely until the famous giant crane accident. after which all manner of budgetary irregularities were revealed.

the contractor now refuses to continue work at the site and, with 2/3 of the money wated, the project sits unfinished.

the only good part of this is that the cock hasn`t been um, erected. yet.

terrorism?

http://ca.news.yahoo.com/s/capress/100126/national/fisheries_minister_pied

no, it`s called debade. terrorism would be if someone shot her tits off with a shotgun. the problem is that fuckwits like this guy take himself as more important than those who try to involve themselves in the bait-and-switch game called democracy....and get frustrated as a response.

i think that if a politician gets pied, they should be forced to take a month off work without pay. it could be a new national sport.

it would be better than curling...unless some of those curlers could whistle that stone at a politician now and then.

and where were the rcmp while someone snuck up on a public figure with a desert?

logic vs. satire.

i try to think logically, and as a result people think i`m joking. robert anton wilson pointed that out in a lecture i posted on a video recently....the problem was that whenever you visited my blog, the video would begin to play and slowed the javascript fuction on your browser, making it difficult to scroll down the page.

i have now deleted the video.

hopefully i can find it on youtube so that it will be in a non-autoplay mode.

so, if you find this blog funny, sometimes it is because i`m deliberately attempting humour, and sometmes i`m making obvious logical comparisions that seem so ridiculous to the uninformed reader that it seems like a joke.

like the difference between counterfiet money and real bank notes?

the federal government has a magic wand that it waves over the paper before they ship it to the bank.

funny.

http://ca.news.yahoo.com/s/reuters/100122/science/science_us_space_asteroids

funny because these are the same people who are asking why the planet is getting warmer and why we aren`t doing enough to stop it.

we haven`t caught a flying saucer yet either.

maybe we we need to ramp things up a bit.

another reason why quebec is a distinct society.

http://ca.news.yahoo.com/s/cbc/100112/canada/canada_montreal_doctor_benefits_smoking_2

to advocate smoking, or to downplay the risk is criminal at best. typical of liberal contrarian thinking, whereby people need not strive for anything and merely wait for some magical answer to thier problems.

i lost my father to cigarettes, and help people via hypnosis and cognitive therapy to break free from years of health abuse, so when i read this kind of thing being published by professional people it makes me wonder what planet they must live on.

then i remember they are from quebec.

french rednecks.

a school child can tell you why cigarettes are bad for you and that you should stop as best you can and as quickly as possibly so that you can save your lungs.

apparently people from quebec are different from you and i.

why marry?

well, why?

love is what most people say. "we are in love and we want to spend the rest of our lives together" is the common answer.

so, why the high divorce rate then?

and why doesn`t love conquer all....and allow marriages to survive?

the simple reason is that many people marry for the wrong reasons.

this reason for instance; buying a house is impossible on one salary.

not a good reason to marry.

and this one; i couldn`t do without him.

and; we are perfect together.

none of these reasons alone, or in combination, are good enough to justify sharing your life with another person.

so what is?

well, loving someone is really nice....but are you willing to look after eachother`s best interests? are you concerned for thier feelings....even ahead of yours?

is this person a friend of yours?

can you stand her shit?

can you laugh at eachother`s jokes.

will you listen patiently while she says what she needs to say?

will you get out of bed even though you don`t need to to start her car on a cold morning?

are you thrilled even at the thought of her smile?

and can you sit together on the couch and watch the fire burn low?

or does your marriage make sense economically and make your parents happy, knowing they will be grandparents soon?

oh yeah, and how much is the wedding going to cost, or are you able to have a modest affair with a few close friends and family?

the one`s that work, and are still working are based on friendship, trust and devotion. if you put a dollar sign in front of any of those concepts you have commerce, prostitution and conscription....sort of feudal tyranny....where one partner rules the roost and the other jumps when told.

oh, good christ.

http://ca.lifestyle.yahoo.com/family-relationships/blog/lifestylists/5527/michelle-obama-has-a-new-hairdo-no-really-this-time

why are we constantly bombarded with images of this woman? if she wasn`t married to whathisname she would be a clerk at walmart....yet we have to see her every time we check out at the grocery store in some new chanel get up...on the front cover of every magazine in the rack.

and really, who gives a shit if gorilla girl has her hair up or down, or sideways for that matter.

and, why does the media follow her around like a movie star?

did they do that to other first ladies?

ya think.....

http://ca.news.yahoo.com/s/reuters/100114/sports/sports_us_athletics_semenya

i`m sure someone will make this an issue of race soon, but in the meantime....this person is a male.

period.

full stop.

i watch people.

because they do really interesting things.

a lady buys something expensive from a high-end ladies shop and walks proudly down the mall with her little logo-ed bag held hip high for all to see.

she`s in post-purchase extacy.

what`s in the bag?

dunno.

something medium sized and light, as the bag is small and she`s carrying it in such  way as to not be weighted down.

she reaches the door to the parking lot and looks at her purchase and continues to be filled with joy.

she walks out the doors and by the time she gets across the road she is looking again at the bag and her head and shoulders slump.

she has now hit post-purchase anxiety.

the brain chemicals that bathed her brain for the last half-hour have now been flushed out with the vigourous walk to the car, and now she has returned to her default setting.

will she return the purchase?

who knows.

many do, and the retail industry knows precisely how long the chemical soup that marketing creates in a person`s brain lasts.

long enough for the product to stay sold.

i moved recently.

....and i am surrounded by homes that would sell in the million to million and a half range. dollars that is.

the people across our back fence are on the lakeshore road. a prestigious location in most cities where they have a lake to have a shore to.

some of these houses are so big and elaborate that they look like something out of a fairy tale.

one home on the corner of our street has a christmas tree in it that has to be fifteen feet tall and topped by an angel that is bigger than a child`s doll.

i wonder if thier christmas was bigger and better than mine?

more intense?

more christmassy?

our house is a medium sized bungalow on a street that is slowly being developed by people with a taste for competition with thier niegbours, while we are  happy to be snug with our fireplace and finished basement for all the guitars to strum away the winter nights.

i wonder if the people in the big houses have bigger guitars?

to clarify.

to even consider that animals could actually have rights is insane.

the idea of rights for animals has proselytised thousands of people to subscribe to actions which, by any stretch of the imagination, could be considered criminal.

we do the same thing when we aim for rights for children.

as adults we have the legal responsibility for the protection and sustenance of both animals and children, and as a result we must bear the consequences of failing in our obligation to these groups.

to give rights to these groups without thier ability to be responsible for themselves creates chaos.

and, of course, bureaucracy.

we already have laws in place for the abuse of children and it is against the law to harm animals also...whether the animal protection laws are strong enough is a seperate issue, and not one for justifying seperate rights for them.

or gays.

or women.

or anyone other than every adult person alive.

to give groups rights that others don`t is a privelege our society can ill afford. it sets people against eachother and stresses society in general.

september 5th last year doug saunders of the globe and mail wrote that athanisios hadjis, a canadian government official, quietly announced that section 13 (1) of the canadian human rights act, popularly known as the hate-speech law, will no longer be enforced.

the reason why the hate law is no longer being enforced is that, according to hadjis, there are better laws in place to deal with libel, slander and the like.....


wow. a calm voice in the sea of invective screaming we come to know as "the media".

maybe there is hope for society after all.