Monday, March 05, 2007


the word means without conditions.


without limits.


so the concept of of conditional love for one`s self applies infinitely in all dimensions, ad infinitum.

i`ll take two of those please.


JLee said...

that is very hard to do...

KB said...

sometimes you don't make sense....or is it ME?

I think I love my daughter unconditionally....but maybe not?

I've NEVER been able to love a partner unconditionally - is that possible???

Two what?

dr.alistair said...

jlee. it is impossible unless you just give yourself the permission to forgive yourself every step of the way.

i have learned to do that recently over my neediness after 14 years of marriage.

you fuck up and then you get right back up.

kb, the way you know the state of your love is how you react when the other person is being unloveable.

it is easy to love the child to makes you proud and who`s actions bring a tear to your eyes, but try to love the child who tells you to fuck yourself or betrays you to your ex or is malicious to thier little brother.

two what?

two unconditional loves.

metaphysical humour.......

dr.alistair said...

jlee, further to forgiving myself......

it is all too easy to beat yourself up for getting played by a woman who sees you as needy and wants to take a piece, especially when you have friends who laugh at you in the coffee shop......for your own good.

but i love myself and realise that i didn`t know this would happen and that i would get crucified and hang bleeding to that tree.

so i talked to myself about knowing that it`s ok to go through this and that it`s a normal part of the process of healing a deep i would talk to a client.....and that even though it`s painful it will get better.

and i love myself enough to not go chasing out to bang on her door and get arrested or call her on the phone.

but just to let it go.

and it got better.

thanks doctor, you needy bastard.

Ricardo said...

easy. easy. Don't place yourself in too precarious a spot with this idea.

dr.alistair said...

i just give myself the permission to be needy and to understand that, while it`s not the best state to be in, it`s part of the human condition and that an adjustment is necessary.

and as the lessons are learned, so then another challenge appears.

and this one is married.

Anonymous said...

Leading off of this topic, is it fully possible to loathe one's self? The concept of hate is fueled by jealousy. Jealousy stems from what we desire; what we don't have. It is possible to be jealous of one's self?

I know many who express self-loathing and intense personal dislike. Should I refer them to you?

- j xhsat

dr.alistair said...

anyone who wishes to contact me regarding issues such as you describe should e-mail me at;

to your position regarding hate. hate can be fueled by jealousy, but also by many other things.

humiliation, intimidation, cruelty, deprivation, theft, murder, rape, betrayal..........

self-loathing exists in most people to some degree.

it is what culture demands of us.