when you meet someone and spend time with them daily for a period of time, you get a sense of who they are.
you see them do things and hear them speak of things and act and react to situations, and so pretty soon you can say you know a person.
obviously this process of getting to know someone never stops, and suprises and challenges arise because people are complex and mysterious, even to themselves.
but there are two things going on here. two seperate "people" inside both of you as you travel along together.
there is essence and character.
i call the true nature of who we are when we are born our essence. the pure undiluted you and me. that which comes out over time and is what we strive to discover by "knowing ourselves."
the essence is what shines out brightly to those who are centered and grounded enough to pay attention.
then there is character. to me character is the accumilation of pre-suppositions about what reality, life, love and everything else is about.
lies.
these pre-suppositions are mostly the ideas of others based on consensus from history and are false.
why do i say this?
becaue they are judgements of someone else`s experience in the past with different situations and people and so cannot be applied to the current situation in anything but the most general of ways.
so our character is made of convenient falsities to allow us to quickly draw conclusions about things and move on.
and 99.999% of the lies are functional enough to be so near to being true as to be virtually the same.
so our character gets us through the day and let`s our head hit the pillow at night ready for sleep.
but what happens when we cannot rest and all of our lies have been revealed?
we have to fall back to our essence.
the pure truth.
it takes work, because the lies are easy to believe.....in fact people demand you lie to them...and so to break the chain of lies takes work, anguish, tears, bargaining, begging and finally after fatigue and exhaustion claims you.......
....understanding.
and even then the understanding still can be painful.
but it is better by far than the lies.
two people who share something in essence find love.
the lies slip away unjudged and un-needed.
all of the character breaks down and dissolves because it has no function in intimacy.
no ego necessary. no bullshit. no negotiation for winners and losers.
just a pure meshing of the soul.
two becoming one.
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Interesting. I was just reading about a psychologist who studied self-deception in athletes. She herself was an athlete, and wondered why, when people were about even in terms of ability, why some won more often than others.
She fround that winners tend to be better at self-deception--or as you call it here, character.
Of course, this brings up the question concerning what happens when we can no longer tell the lie to ourselves. What you're describing here seems almost like a breakdown--not an annihilistic breakdown, but rather the death before the rebirth.
in football (soccer)we set about with 11 per side and evenly matched for ability but as you say, the ones with the mind for winning seem to just find a way.
i have been deluding myself in my own personal way as to my ability to win over 90 minutes and i think i do a great job of decieving myself long enough to beat the opposition.
that and 40k bike rides, hours in the gym and hours on the field training at my sport.......
and yes, i bought the new boots again this year.
i am describing the process of stripping away the ego state that protects the heart from deception and betrayal.
there are those who`s protection is so tough that they aren`t able to penetrate it themselves and have forgotten how.
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