i had these feelings for a woman that, when she left, made me feel like i was going to die.
and so i go and find another one to be with to see if it will stop the pain......and it does when i`m with her, but the moment i am fifty feet away from her, the pain returns.
but the one i met last night erased the slate entirely.
this morning i woke up and tried to access the pain, and it just flickered for a moment in my chest and stopped......as if it lost it`s will.
i`m not complaining in the least, but as a scientist i`m fascinated now at the pure neuro-chemical element of all of this.
is love a drug?
when i was on the drug of her the world was a place to play and live at first, but it quickly became something i desperately needed, like heroine, and i became a junkie....needing a fix and the world became dark and lonely and full of fear when she wasn`t around.
so i went cold turkey.
days of agony ensued.
and when i saw her occasionally the dependency rushed in, convincing me that i needed to get away from her.
i shake my head at the desperation of such a situation, and how it consumed my existance for months.
i know now how men stalk and beg and plead with women when they feel this way, not realising that the only answer is to go cold turkey.
you can`t beat an addiction by doing the drug.
but is replacing the drug with another one the answer?
it feels like it this morning.