Monday, November 09, 2009

third list.

this time not only will i be listing annoying people, but also people who are irritating and those who are malicious and should know better.

the new gay starbucks barista. get over your big sissy self and make my drink, dipshit.  and yeah, we know why starbucks hire friendly girls and gay blokes as staff, but it can be really annoying when all you want is a coffee.

big box retail staff who don`t know anything and when you ask for help, they begin to do what you just finished doing, which was look at the box and read. i have just finished a home renovation and have had to visit home depot, home hardware and the like repeatedly and several times have had to wrestle with tiny intellects while trying to find the right kind of breakers or tap fittings or switches. it makes me wonder how these people got driver`s licences.

speaking of driver`s licences, what`s with all the people driving under the speed limit?

fuck.

speed up or get out of the way.

people with leaf blowers.  what kind of fuckwit buys a device that makes more noise than a harley to blow leaves around? just rake the fucking things up you dipshit.

now, i don`t find this next type of person annoying so much, just funny. the woman in the expensive clothes and makeup with the nails all done and the new bmw who does her hair in the mirror but forgets the back where the hair is still pressed flat from a night`s sleep.

you have to laugh.

people who sit in thier garage and drink and talk really loud until 1.30 in the morning. fuck off inside your cubicle and yell if you want to. we really don`t want ot hear your shit. i`m about to toss a smoke grenade in there one night....thank god i`m moving somewhere where people stay inside on an evening. fucking rednecks and thier yappy dogs.

stop yelling at the thing. shoot it and go inside.

people who ask you a question and then keep talking so that you can`t answer. people who drone in a monotone voice and barely smile. people who gripe all the time whether it`s hot or cold outside. people who are constantly telling me thier plans to not be here for the winter, yet are here all winter and complain.

christ sake, join some volunteer organisation and they will take you somewhere hot alright. and i won`t be able to hear you go on about it.

people who go to a coffee shop and expect ot be left alone quietly to read.

firstly it`s not a library.

secondly it`s not a private place...like your living room.

and thirdly you`re an idiot expecting people you know not to talk to you when they see you in the coffee shop. where you are every day, sometimes for hours at a time.

people who say they are going to get fit and lose weight and go on a ride for charity and then when i encourage them and support them, they tell thier frineds that i`m telling them what to do.

actually fatty, i was sincerely encouraging you to be healthy, which  is what i could have sworn you told me and a couple of my friends that you were planning to do.

in fact if my memory serves me, you actually did the ride and was happy you did...and i was glad you did too, because i know how good it feels to accomplish something and wanted to share your achievement becuase i thought we were at least aquainted well enough to share such a thing.

so fuck you, you miserable fat cow sitting there all hostile telling people i know that i`m prying into your business. no wonder you can`t find a man if you treat everyone like that.

so, from now on i will avoid engaging you in conversation even for a second, even if you are sitting with people i know, because you are a mine field of not-ok shit and i don`t feel like having you go off on me.

the annoying buddy who goes after the girl you are interested in and tries to dress like you and train like you and eat what you eat and say shit like you and thinks he`s a better version only hoping to see you fail.

and waits until you have a broken ankle to try to wrestle you in front of the girls. i was of two minds to hip toss you onto the cars in the parking lot but for the fact that your thick skull would have dented some poor bastard`s hood and i would have had to pay for it.

pretty tough picking on a guy who could barely put any weight on his ankle.

what a dick. you creepy old man. chicks don`t dig your smooth shit. try that on women your age. they will laugh in your face.

and the young ones will take your money and laugh.

and yeah, they look. because you are staring at them full on. it makes them nervous, not turned on. fuckwit.


and finally, the most annoying type of person, the yes person who agrees and seems intrigued with what you have to say, only to run to the next person and repeat what you said about them.

and yes, i have said stuff about people to other people. to me it`s a good way to see who says what to whom. i differ from others in that i  know it will be repeated, so i tag my comments with specific details for just that one person.....so when it comes back, gotcha!

anyway, that`s me feeling a whole lot better about annoying types. i needed to get that off my chest. especially the people i come in contact will that piss me off. i needed to say those things. thanks for reading.

hopefully you will recognise some of these types in your own life, draining your essential spirit for thier own greedy desires...and if you are one of these people, shoot yourself now.

2 comments:

Ricardo said...

Three lists so far and I haven't made it on yet? I'm not working hard enough.

dr.alistair said...

there are more lists to come!

i realised that the people on those lists are my fault. i need to move on or react differently to thier shit.

it was good to get all that off my chest though..and laugh.

christ, some people are dumbasses....