unattached to outcome.
becoming aware of one`s purpose.
just go where the mood dictates.
listen to the voice inside.
the one you have been ignoring for some time now.
the will to control, plan, train and prepare is a move to protect you from pain that you believe you will experience if you don`t prepare and train and control and plan.........
you never had it, nor did you ever have a chance to have it......whatever "having" meant anyway.
so the whole thing has been a waste of time.