Saturday, April 15, 2006

betrayal.

min writing about unconditional love for one`s self i am constantly looking for meaningful ways to convey the context that love exists in. we have the idea that love is something that we feel in relationships with other people and that we have to give and recieve this commodity with another person or group.
herein lies the trouble.
we experience highs and lows emotionally when we have relationships with other people and have this love attachment. people are emotional and are exposed to situations that comprimise thier ability to be clear in thier emotional state all the time. to expect such stability from another person so that you can feel loved is unrealistic and is a time bomb waiting to go off.
when we give responsibility for our emotional and even spiritual wellbeing over to another person in the belief that that is a loving relationship then we are balancing on a knife edge.
everything we do in our lives involves other people. even acts that we perform alone are supported in some way or another by the acts of others. someone had to make the bike you are riding and grow the food you eat and build the house you live in.......we are attached to others totally and inextricably.
that`s why we feel we need to get love from other people.
that`s why it`s critical that we begin to look within for support. not out of resentment for the inability of others to meet our special needs, but for the fact that it`s not thier job.
it`s not your job to give something to others either.
the only person who`s needs you understand are yours.
meet them.
all of a sudden you will meet others who do the same.
these people are hard working, focussed, happy, talented, compassionate.......just like you, and they mind thier own business.....they don`t use guilt, obligation, tantrums and moods as ways to manipulate.
these people already know the ground rules and what to expect in relationships just like you do. they know how to work in teams or on thier own.
and they expect nothing more or less from you.
these people do exist. i know this because you are one and are working towards preserving your nature. there are others too. i meet them all the time in my work and when playing.
so where is the betrayal?
it comes when we support relationships with people who aren`t capable of dealing with thier own shit and yet demand love. these people will betray when pressure is applied to the relationship. they will steal your energy in a thousand ways........and we can only hold ourselves responsible for tolerating the situation.
your love for yourself dictates how you recognise these situations and what you do about them.
unconditional love for your self is a practice and an art and a discipline. sometimes it`s not easy and sometimes it`s just difficult.
but it`s always better than the alternative.

6 comments:

anu said...

And how do we love ourseleves?

by accepting, acknowledeing and appreciating what we create in our daily life?

anu said...

And how do we love ourseleves?

by accepting, acknowledeing and appreciating what we create in our daily life?

anu said...

even the ones we never wanted..

dr.alistair said...

unconditional love for one`s self is a matter of emotional and spiritual survival.
we have the physical thing down pretty well. we know what will hurt and what will not so we can survive surrounded by sharp knives,cars and flights of stairs. when it comes to our emotions we aren`t so pragmatic. in the physical realm we know that concrete is hard but in the emotional realm we have to repeat the same painful lessons over and over and never change our behaviour accordingly. emotional intellignce is the measure of unconditional love that we have for ourselves. the ability to not repeat the same things expecting different results. the more we find different ways of reacting to emotional situations, the better change we have of surviving.

Kari said...

Thank you! Your post is very meaningful to me.

dr.alistair said...

take the time to thank yourself for recognising what you read. it is a part of you that is loving unconditionally and is looking for resonance.