Saturday, August 12, 2006

crazy life.

so i have these strong feelings for a girl.......a woman. we have spent time at starbucks together and we`ve e-mailed and we`ve shared things so effortlessly. my heart wants to burst out of my chest and i shake like a leaf when we are together and i`m terrified by these feelings.
my friend got sick of me eating myself up over all this and said that i just had to understand that she feels the same way too. she just hides it. she hides it the same way i hide it. we are torn up over the relationships we are leaving and don`t want it to happen again.
who would.
when i looked at things that way i realised that she can`t read my mind and the feelings i`ve hidden from her so as not to scare her is happening to her too.
when i was able to calm myself down around her she calmed down too.
i became calmer when i realised where all the dread was coming from.
the rejection issues i had experienced years ago.
it was nothing to do with her.
her friend took a picture of us together..................i hope she sends me a copy.
and the feelings? they shine out our eyes.

1 comment:

Dr.Alistair said...

well, yes........the feelings were bound to fade. the sllepless nights. yes, i`m going through that now. i will never call her and i only e-mail rarely. otherwise she would have every right to run. it`s like walking a tight rope. balance, breathing and focus.
nietzche, the german philospsoher said that what ever doesn`t kill you makes you stronger.