Sunday, August 06, 2006

reacting to what?

all of my life i`ve watched people making thier lives miserable by acting angry and hostile toward people who don`t deserve it. mind you, there are people who dearly deserve lead poisoning, but they are few and far between.
the vast majority of people are merely doing the best they can, trying to make the best of thier lives.
what i have realised happens is that people react to the present situation by comparing the situation to one that happened in the past that was similar and using the feelings from the prior experience to fuel thier reaction the new situation.
i have been through a real trial of this process recently and the only thing that has saved me from burning out over it has been my realisation of what i`m reacting to.
i have written here before about the girl i met and the strong feelings i experienced as a result.
now i need to understand that no matter what she`s going through and how she reacts to my suggestions, i have to look after my present well being while respecting her decisions. i also have no clue what she`s thinking about most of the time because i barely see her.
if i get frustrated because things aren`t moving forward she doesn`t need to see that. she doesn`t owe me anything but a smile when we see eachother.
i have listened to other people generalise about how she is doing this or that and trying to get blah, blah, blah, but that`s more of an insight into thier thinking than her`s.
i have got caught up in some pretty painful feelings this last week but it makes me much better to realise that it`s nothing to do with this girl but my past experiences when similar things happened.

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