Wednesday, June 21, 2006

what are you doing about it?

there is an epidemic out there of monumental proportions. it is called blaming. we get ourselves into a bind of one description or another and we automatically blame someone else.
why?
habit. conditioning. protecting the ego. who knows.
the problem with this reaction is that, while there might be some justification in the observation of blame, the other person isn`t going to solve the problem for you.
you have to do it yourself.
so, the action and continued feelings created by blame are useless to solving t he problem at hand. any time invested in blame is gone.
so, if you are focused on loving yourself unconditionally.............don`t waste time getting caught up in all the nattering to yourself about how the other person did this, that and the other thing to effect you.
even if you are right.
put your energy into what you can do to solve the problem yourself without persecution and vilification.
clear your mind of the negative.
what will naturally fill your mind in the space you have created is positive thought that leads to solutions.

6 comments:

Allison said...

excellent blog alistair.

your question: what am I doing about it?...

One thing is that I'm too busy to be blaming people for my problems - busy aggressively pursuing projects I'm excited about (the only real challenge being to narrow these down and focus on just one or two at a time)..

A personal project I've decided to prioritize now is a self-hypnosis program. Where I'm stuck is in over-thinking it and therefore putting off writing the actual script, getting down to recording it and USING it. Too much listing of shit, too much perfectionism, and again the challenge of narrowing things down.

I'm interested in your take on self-hypnosis. What approach(es) do you find most effective?

For example, when recording your own hypnosis program, assuming you do this, do you get the best results using first person, third person.. direct 'commands', a more subtle metaphorical approach.. a combination of methods...?

I haven't searched your archives yet, so if I'm asking questions you've already covered, I apologize. Feel free to just point me in the right direction. :)

THanks!
Allison

dr.alistair said...

allison, welcome to hypgnosys and thanks for the kind words.
regarding self-hypnosis tapes, without knowing a little more about you personally it is difficult to be specific in which way to best approach the making of a tape for yourself. there are so many factors. firtly there is the purpose, then there is the issue of how you construct your internal reality.......are you a visual, auditory or kinesthetic responder, or a mixture with a dominant.
to simplify; when you go inside and think about a memory, generally what is the first sensation you experience? practice different memories and notice what arises.
from that point you can decide how to see, listen or feel first and how to proceed.
it may also be a smell or taste that comes first.
you are the expert on you though.
having said that any self hypnosis tape is better that no self hypnosis tape.
begin with the relaxation phase, then deepen by decending down stairs or sink slowly into water or go down in an elevator. from this point you can add elements of seeing yourself in first, second or even third person depending on your needs. running a positive outcome script form this point is a good way to close out with applause, hugs etc. to bond to the good feelings.
if you want to you can give me an outline of what you want to do with the tape and i`d be glad to help, either in the blog or via e-mail.

Allison said...

Thanks alistair for the quick and generous reply. To give you some more helpful specifics.. (warning: I tend to ramble)..

I'm definitely a combination of visual, auditory and kinesthetic. It's difficult to tell which is dominant.

the visual is probably the more dominant one. I say "I see" a lot. I'm an artist, and I'm very sensitive to aesthetics. my emotional state is often strongly linked to the state of my visual surroundings.

But I'm also a musician, and interesting music hypnotizes the hell out of me, all on its own, even when I don't want it to, because I get so easily lost in the subtleties. The right song might be better than any induction. Maybe.

Imagining bodily and internal feelings is easy for me as well. I wrote a 'feather' induction awhile ago that I might use. I improvized it laying in bed one time when I really needed to relax. It worked like a charm. I also once imagined getting a massage and that worked surprisingly well too.

So I guess any or all of the sensory focuses will work fine for me. The feather induction is both visual and kinesthetic, and with some instrumental music going in the background, that covers all three. At least for the induction.

As to the purpose of the hypnosis... that's what I'm trying to narrow down. A lot of my goals are tied together though. I want to get at the core elements they share in common, if I can, as opposed to just pulling the heads off the weeds, so to speak. My goals are:

- Vastly improve my verbal confidence. lose unecessary fears / inhibitions about outer expression (I'm flippin' hilarious for example, but my mind literally goes blank as soon as I'm put on the spot. I'm damn smart and insightful too, dammit, but during conversations, I clam up. or I can't seem to articulate my point and end up sounding like an idiot, or the point just vanishes from my mind entirely). I get nervous when I'm the center of attention. I'd rather thrive on attention (not 'crave' it though. I can't stand attention whores).

- Have confidence singing/performing in front of people. Where I'm at with that now... it's a phobia. I'm self-conscious even humming along to a song when someone else is around (though I've been forcing myself to do it anyway, because come on.. humming). It's completely irrational. Even my husband, who's as accepting and non-judgmental as can be, I won't sing in front of. But here's the thing.. I'm a good singer! By myself (when I'm at least 98% sure no one can hear me) - is the only time I'll sing loud enough to sound really good, but when I do, I give myself shivers. I can't believe it's my own voice I'm hearing.

- I want to open up and be more expressive in general - I'm rather reserved, outwardly, and don't like that. I want to be more dynamic, fun and charismatic with people. I'm already having a party in my head, but for some reason I keep it locked in there, and that's just selfish.

- I want to be a better storyteller and communicator. I think it's a powerful skill and I also think I currently suck at it.

- I need to trust and believe in myself more. lose my self-consciousness. quit giving a shit what other people think of me. stop scrutinizing myself and just accept and BE myself, proudly and confidently.

- I want to trust and rely more on my intuition and instincts, as opposed to working hard at everything from a rational place. I find it hard to get out of my head much of the time. I overthink things (like for instance making a hypnosis script)..

- Stop trying to be perfect.


There. Hmm. Writing that out has given me a bit more clarity already, so thanks for the push in that direction with your questions. I look forward to your further insights, and again, it's greatly appreciated.

"Did you ever know that you're my hero?.."

no but seriously, you rock.
Sleepytime now.
Allison

dr.alistair said...

well, it seems that you have no problem communicating through your writing.......no inhibitions there.
my first suggestion is that you should, if you aren`t alerady, begin to journal. a blog like this one is a good start.....or just get a notebook and get writing when the thought comes.
the state of mind/body/emotion when you are about to do something such as singing or comedy or any other form of personal expression is critical to the oucome of the act.
my own mastery of public speaking was acieved in this way;
i was terrified of the thought of public speaking. i would avoid any type of speech or presentation as if i was going to die.
when i became certified as a hypnotherapist and in nlp i learned some powerful techniques to be able to walk through my apprehensions and take on a more powerful state of feeling.
here`s how it works.
go inside and remember a time when you did something that was so wonderful to you that you still get excited thinking about it. see what you saw then and what you heard and felt. work on the colours. see them brighter and sharper. hear the sounds louder and clearer. as you do this notice how you feel stronger responses as the sensations of your memory are amplified.
run through this visualisation a few times and really get the feeling of re-living the memory as if it is happening now.
see where the feelings are inside your body now.
where are they?
are they spinning slightly, stirring?
you can double that feeling now.
spin harder.
it`s your sensation, make it do what you want.
crank up that feeling and anchor the feeling with a clap of your hands and say now that you can do anything that you want to.
now sing to your husband.......tell him you love him........and be who you want to be......any thime you want to. now.
this practice can be spoken onto tape or disc and listened to over and over.
i got cranked up writing the words. how did you feel?

Allison said...

Dude, you're good. It feels promising.. I'll keep you posted. Thanks so much,

Allison :)

dr.alistair said...

you are welcome. glad to have your comments.