the scientist in his lab.

i saw her again yesterday.

and yes, my heart lept. but i dropped myself down into a relaxed state and unattached to the thought of her and my heart rate dropped and i went back to my conversation........and i saw something new.

i saw a nervous uncertain girl who couldn`t look over without fiddling with her glasses and her hair as she stood in the line getting her coffee.

i didn`t miss that nervous girl.

this is the nervous girl who ran from a perfect thing. i never saw the nerves.

i felt it. but i ignored it because everything else felt so good.

so now i`m asked to recieve something from this beautiful new one, and i have to find my center to recieve.

otherwise i`m no better than the first one and the new one will get hurt.

life is too perfect and beautiful for that to happen on my shift again.

so, here`s the thing...

i had these feelings for a woman that, when she left, made me feel like i was going to die.

and so i go and find another one to be with to see if it will stop the pain......and it does when i`m with her, but the moment i am fifty feet away from her, the pain returns.

but the one i met last night erased the slate entirely.

this morning i woke up and tried to access the pain, and it just flickered for a moment in my chest and stopped......as if it lost it`s will.

i`m not complaining in the least, but as a scientist i`m fascinated now at the pure neuro-chemical element of all of this.

is love a drug?

when i was on the drug of her the world was a place to play and live at first, but it quickly became something i desperately needed, like heroine, and i became a junkie....needing a fix and the world became dark and lonely and full of fear when she wasn`t around.

so i went cold turkey.

days of agony ensued.

and when i saw her occasionally the dependency rushed in, convincing me that i needed to get away from her.

i shake my head at the desperation of such a situation, and how it consumed my existance for months.

i know now how men stalk and beg and plead with women when they feel this way, not realising that the only answer is to go cold turkey.

you can`t beat an addiction by doing the drug.

but is replacing the drug with another one the answer?

it feels like it this morning.

match day 1.

it was a brilliant clear spring morning with a light breeze coming in off the lake.

we descended there to the stadium by the lake to do battle in pantomime with colours and studded boots on show.

and did we show.

to the crowd of twenty we ran and passed and shot and scored and came away winners 7-2.

the promise of a season of victory hung in the clear spring air as we greeted the final whistle.

and my ham-strings remained intact, thanks to my resistance to opening up fully to the urge to go flat out past the defenders.....though my ego suffered a thousand deaths each time.

and so the wait is over, the long winter without my game has passed, and the battle is once again joined.

kisses and bullets.

both can effect lives immesurably.

we have to be very careful who we choose to kill......

...or kiss.

may is here......

..........and with is comes the grass and the sun and the game i love the most.

there are many games that humans play....many are unconscious to the players.

games within games within games.

and i`m no different.

i love the dynamics of human interaction and the sheer poetry of the depth of it all.

games are joined and played for so many reasons, as many reasons are there are grains of sand on the shore.

and so to my favorite game.

football, or as they call it in north america, soccer.

to me this game brings people together as all good art does, and stirs the imagination. and with it the soul.....

the soul, once stirred becomes transcendant.

all week i prepare mentally and physically so that i can be the best i can on match day, so that i can run, pass and shoot as part of a team decision to win.

and for 90 minutes i can achieve perfection.

closure?

i told her that i missed her hand in mine when we walked together.

she said she did too, but that she felt safer if we were just friends.

safer?

i can`t be angry, even though it would make things easier to deal with.

i can`t dare be sad, or it will just go on forever.

her words made my blood run cold, the way she was so indifferent.

how the fuck do we get this way?

the grass.

there was a field here once.

there were rocks and rivers and streams and birds and flowers and animals.......and they are mostly still here.

and we came along and because we are not well adaped to living in harmony with nature as it exists, we have to build shelter and manipulate crops and livestock to survive.

so where the field once was there became a house and paths and gardens and farms and so on.

men made metal things and wooden things and pretty soon the paths became tracks and men threw down stones to allow a better surface to run carts on.

then one day some men build cars and found that the gravel paths were limiting to the will to move things faster.

so some other men melted some stuff in a big pot and poured it all over the gravel paths and made smooth flat roads for these new cars to go quickly on.

and here we are today with these smooth flat roads and parking-lots everywhere so that cars can come and go everywhere that used to be fields.

but when we rest for a while and stop pouring hot melted stuff on the fields and pathways regularly.....the fields come back.

look down sometime when you aren`t too fucking busy with whatever bullshit you are after and see in the cracks of the pavement.

really take a moment to look.

the grass is growing up from underneath the pavement and pushing ever so slowly but determinedly with it`s delicate shoots, against the underside of men`s best attempt to cover the fields and control nature for his needs........driving and parking cars.

each little bud does it`s small yet invaluable part to recreate what was once there.

the fields and streams and rocks and dirt and rivers and streams.

and if this process is allowed to go on long enough, the grass wins and the man-made surfaces are split and cracked and otherwise destroyed so that nature is restored.

it is a constant struggle of man against nature, and man gets tired eventually.....as an individual and as a society, and quickly the grass takes over again.

lawns overgrow and roads and pavements crack and trees grow through walls and roofs and buildings an highways crumble and collapse.

it`s happened before and it`s happening now.

relax.

there is nothing to be afraid of though.

it`s the way it`s supposed to be.

to open up.

what better way to celebrate a day like today than by opening up to love.

with each beating of the drum of our heartbeat we recognise more of everything around us......

boom.

boom.

boom.

the small white clouds formed in impossible perfection, hanging like cotton in the bright blue sky of this perfect morning.

boom.

the sound of children playing, running, laughing and screaming with joy in the playground outside my window.

boom.

the thought of the adventures of the day to come and the people we will meet and the smiles we will share.

boom.

what else rushes in when we open ourselves up?

boom.

boom.

boom.

boom.

boom.

we listen to our heart beating long enough to allow the whole universe to rush on in and through our souls, and we become.....no, we remember that we are......part of this miracle called life.

the calm.

as the seas roil and swell with the pulse of energy rising we are swept along for the ride.

this powerlessness we feel when caught up in something as powerful as the ocean it`s self can be terrifying when we try to make the feeling stop.

our will to control makes our ability to deal with these feelings that much more difficult to bear.

the alternative is to let go of the need to control and predict when the next wave will rise and lift us up or when the next trough will drag us down intot he depths.

because it doesn`t matter whether we are high or low.

nothing lasts forever.

but things do return.

so enjoy the highs and rest during the lows.

and find a calm center to enjoy all of it.

toxic?

toxic.

a word i`ve heard entirely too much of lately.

it is too easy and typical of modern throw-away society to discard something with a facile comment.

toxic.

what about patience and understanding and hope and belief in love?

toxic?

everyone seems to know something about this toxic state and how to avoid it.

but they are unable to look me in the eye when i ask them about love.

have we reached a point where society believes love it`s self is toxic?

i somehow get the sense that people would prefer to remain in some holding pattern of unattachment to feelings, just in case......

......sort of what she is being accused of b some.

i am.......

..........icarus, and i discovered a way to fly high.

but the sun melted the wax that fixed the feathers to my arms so that i could soar so high.............and down i fell, crashing into the dust.

the moment i hit i saw the error in my plan and the solution flashed before me.

now i am healing from my injuries and have plans for a better way to fix feathers to my arms that doesn`t include wax.

and so i will once again swoop and sail and dive and climb and soar on wings of my own design.

those who stand below while i fly are so certain i will fall, and each time i come tearing down to earth they are proven right, and they warn me never to attempt such foolishness again.

but they forget one thing, these sensible and pragmatic men.

i fucking flew.

the chase?

whoever said the the chase is better than the catch isn`t a carnivore.

essence vs. character.

when you meet someone and spend time with them daily for a period of time, you get a sense of who they are.

you see them do things and hear them speak of things and act and react to situations, and so pretty soon you can say you know a person.

obviously this process of getting to know someone never stops, and suprises and challenges arise because people are complex and mysterious, even to themselves.

but there are two things going on here. two seperate "people" inside both of you as you travel along together.

there is essence and character.

i call the true nature of who we are when we are born our essence. the pure undiluted you and me. that which comes out over time and is what we strive to discover by "knowing ourselves."

the essence is what shines out brightly to those who are centered and grounded enough to pay attention.

then there is character. to me character is the accumilation of pre-suppositions about what reality, life, love and everything else is about.

lies.

these pre-suppositions are mostly the ideas of others based on consensus from history and are false.

why do i say this?

becaue they are judgements of someone else`s experience in the past with different situations and people and so cannot be applied to the current situation in anything but the most general of ways.

so our character is made of convenient falsities to allow us to quickly draw conclusions about things and move on.

and 99.999% of the lies are functional enough to be so near to being true as to be virtually the same.

so our character gets us through the day and let`s our head hit the pillow at night ready for sleep.

but what happens when we cannot rest and all of our lies have been revealed?

we have to fall back to our essence.

the pure truth.

it takes work, because the lies are easy to believe.....in fact people demand you lie to them...and so to break the chain of lies takes work, anguish, tears, bargaining, begging and finally after fatigue and exhaustion claims you.......

....understanding.

and even then the understanding still can be painful.

but it is better by far than the lies.

two people who share something in essence find love.

the lies slip away unjudged and un-needed.

all of the character breaks down and dissolves because it has no function in intimacy.

no ego necessary. no bullshit. no negotiation for winners and losers.

just a pure meshing of the soul.

two becoming one.

today`s lesson for me.

to let life flow around me. the good, the bad and the ugly.

to realise that things are on purpose and magical and somehow deliberately mysterious.........

.....not so much for a reason, because reason is an intellectual construct, but because it just is.

we cannot know what it is like to be anything other than what we are right now, and if we manage to know something else, we have then become that thing.

so my meditation today is about acceptance and loving myself unconditionally and being grateful for so many things.

surfaces.

so what`s inside a brick?

well break it in half and we`ll find out......right?

no.

we have just created more surfaces to look at.

the brick we`ve broken in half may reveal things caught in the mixture of brick that made it, but those things are made of more surfaces.

this surface we reveal reduces to the point where we find less and less stuff that will stand still long enough to even be identified.

the smaller the thing who`s surface we look at gets, the faster it tends to be moving relative to us.

(you`ll have to excuse me for this thought but i`ve been reading richard fyneman`s autobiography and, well........he makes you think.)

dry, silent tears.

you are surrounded by tears.

they flow when i come near.

dry and silent. they flow.

this is not my natural state. but yet i find myself crying now.

please cry, so i don`t have to any more.

i know i ask too much.

tool.

10,000 days.

grateful.

these walls.

they know the truth.

they hold the key, but they are not saying.

they`ve seen it all and stood by.

mute witness.

and so they remain.

they provide no comfort as would a friend who knew, yet somehow there is an echo, faint yet clear.....of what was then.

moments of us held in pure truth that cannot be denied or revised or edited or deleted.

merely recorded.

these walls.

but all too soon i will stop listening myself, and only the walls will know.

held forever.

the hawk.

i watched him soar.

high above the highway, riding the warm spring heat as it rose off the ever spreading concrete and ashpalt of our city, the bird never stopped looking.....searching for what he needed.

food.

relentless.

not asking why or how or why again, just doing.

the relentless pursuit of one thing is intoxicating in it`s simple beauty.

i watched him for what seemed like an eternity, circling and gliding and looking, and i realised that beyond all of our self-absorbed thinking we are precisely the same.

relentless in our pursuit.

except that we have to ask why.

steven, dude......

http://news.yahoo.com/s/space/primitivealienlifemayexiststephenhawkingsays

so, only primative alien life?

so how do you make the distinction steven......?

us non-astro-physicists see no logic in your observation.

you feel it`s safe to say that there might be bugs under a rock on saturn, but no technologically advanced civilisation on pluto, merely hiding from insane humans.

alrighty then stevo......

er.....

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20080420/ap_on_re_mi_ea/israel_clashing_christians

i didn`t realise you could pummel someone with a palm frond, but i guess if you are intent on conflict, anything can be a weapon.

accepting.

the pain we experience in certain situations is a form of energy stuck inside.

we try to find a reason why we are in pain and once a reason is found we hold that reason responsible.

and so, because our word is absolute in this world, the reason becomes a fact.

and the pain remains.

but here is the issue.

if you are pushed by someone, do you blame them and hold them responsible for your fall?

but how do you know why they pushed you?

and do they?

this chain of pushes goes back forever, and we can never know the reason why the first push happened......so blame does nothing.....but continue to have us stuck in the pain.

so, how do we unstick?

remain in the pain without judgement for a while, until the feeling passes, like it does.

like it would had you reacted.

only when you reacted the pain continued and you passed more painful energy along in the process.

so when you don`t react the cycle stops with you.

a problem.

a thousand times i have ridden the logical un-merry-go-round of a problem i have been caught in.

the problem has stolen my sleep and left me strained beyond my ability to function, to think or to begin to enjoy life at all, and so i have finally ended the process.

it is so against my nature to give up and turn the other way, but i have no other choice otherwise it will begin to wear me down irrepairably.

i packed everything about this problem into a box and shut the lid, in my mind.

then my life started again.

i heard the birds singing in the trees and it liftedmy soul.

i enjoyed my children`s laughter as we played in the park.

and i heard the music on the radio.

led zeppelin`s "rock and roll" came as a gift of such immeasurable joy, when i heard it on my friend`s car radio, that all i could do was play air drums and imagine john bonham hitting the skins so many years ago......

.....and i went to that place where all people go when we transcend the physical.

and i am so grateful.

since i`ve been loving you.......

http://www.songmeanings.net/lyric.php?lid=7758

deeply passionate piece of blues that sings of the pain of betrayal, not only in the lyrics but with the drums, bass and guitar.

and as this chapter of my life winds away down, the song will remain......and not remind me, so much as inspire me to heal.

i remember my brother some years ago deciding that he`d heard enough of me lamenting over something i was going on about and he hit the cd player and fired up achilles last stand.

i forgot my worries then and as i think of that tune it does the same thing now.

sadness.

there are those who sing happy songs and those who sing sadder ones.

why is that?

experiences, i suppose.

the miles we walk shape us, and so the songs we sing reflect that.

i am an optimist in that i know the sun will rise tomorrow, though some days will be cloudy at best.

i have always felt a deep regard for the blues.

it`s not even an understanding of the words or the inflection of the voices so much as the mood of the music it`s self.

country music has a sad message traditionally, in some ways similar to the blues, but does little for me as i`m irritated by the busy noises made by the musicians.

the guitar, bass and drums of the blues evoke trains leaving the station, love betrayed and loneliness, and from my early childhood i was transported somewhere at the sound.

i can remember hearing led zeppelin doing "since i`ve been loving you" as a boy of thirteen of fourteen and i lost all sense of time and space standing that night on my back patio in the rain as the outdoor speakers carried jimmy page`s guitar to my ears.

i taught my oldest boy to play the beginning of that tune on the guitar and when he plays it the feeling is the same.

christine marion stood beside me that night waiting for the kiss that never came, because the music took me to a place where she couldn`t go......though we did finally kiss some other night.....i was incapable then.

is it a sadness?

who knows. i just know that, like robert plant says, "a minute seems like a lifetime, when i feel this way."

acceptance.

we are machines designed to do things.

our bodies are engineered to run and lift and twist things and bend them and make things into other things, to dig ditches and use tools to make shelter and make tools to help us in our endevours.

our minds are designed to solve problems and imagine things that don`t exist yet but become real if we put our minds and bodies to the problem.

so we are "doing" machines.

doing is all that we know.

and this is what gets us into trouble in certain situations.

sometimes there is nothing we can do and no picture we can see in our mind that will change a situation and yet we persist....because that`s all we know.

so we continue on until we collapse from mental and physical exhaustion.

and so we finally find that being is preferable to doing in some situations.

the human doing is a robot running on programs and beliefs.

the human being on the other hand is a loving, compassionate spirit that can accept situations and let them pass.

the human doing is programmed by experience and trauma.

the human being is the essence of who we were born as.

when we remember our essence then things are ok.

so we must remember so we can accept that which we cannot change. those things that we should not even try........

a miraculous day.

the universe reminded me of something today.

what it was like to be warm.

i walked by the lake and got some sun as the thermometer crept toward 70 degrees.

and so yeah, the warmth of the sun brings a promise of growth and new beginnings.

conditional.

the opposite of unconditional.

the conditions are many, and most are about oppression.......not for the greater good, but for the comfort of the few.....while the masses are controlled.

when it comes to love the situation is the same.

conditional love is the one that causes the pain.

the unconditional one lifts one up.

the question then remains.

how can we love someone else unconditionally?

by accepting who they are.

and if they aren`t in a place of unconditional love for themselves, then they will bind you to conditions also.

and the universe will test you.

oh how it likes to test you.

regular programming.

the regular programming was about unconditional love for the self.

oh how i had forgotten.

how does this unconditional love for the self work?

like this.

no matter what happens, do nothing to harm the self.

when we pump energy into this by breathing in body and spirit we attract that which resonates with this.

how do we breathe in body and in spirit?

by sitting quietly and physically breathing and watching our thoughts go by and letting them float off as we just........breathe.

so i am getting back to this now with my sleeves rolled up and stalking that precious joy of the the certain knowledge that i`m in the universe of abundance with a front row seat.

what remains while we sit and breathe and let the noise go is the unconditional love for the self.

perfect peace and tranquility.

the universe.

i got off my game and started doubting the universe and it got right back to proving it`s self to me in it`s same old staggering and beautiful way.

and what`s even more amazing is that it included me even though i got fearful and full of doubt.

challenges, lessons and new chances at the realisation that this is all on purpose and i just have to remember to allow myself to flow along resonating with the perfection.

the same messageboards and numbers and co-incedances of perfect timing have been happening and the people saying the right thing at the right time to snap my head around and wake me up, just as the pain and fear tried to drag me down and away from the glory.

and the dream last night.....well actually this morning, of the four dogs sitting on a blanket......meaningless to those who haven`t been this way recently, but to the three others who have been in this with me from the beginning, it is all blindingly clear.

we are precisely and perfectly on the pathway.

fuckin` a.......

and now we return you to regularly sceduled programs.

i am speechless.

i haven`t posted here for a long time.

i have been following another path for the last few months and enjoying a new sense of vigour in life, love and commerce, but something i recently heard shocked me so profoundly that i had to type it here and read it over to try to make some sense of it somehow.

two people met and enjoyed hours of conversation together over coffee. nothing unusual there.

nothing unusual in that they would find eachother more and more often and become hopeful of catching eachother casually.......for coffee.

one day the woman asked the man if he would be interested in meeting somewhere other than the coffee shop, and he agreed.

they met, kissed and fell in love in a few short weeks.

again, nothing unusual there....my dear friends.

he then, one evening in the heat of passion, says that he`s falling in love....and she says don`t.

she then says that she has a dilemma.

she had an affair some years ago with a married man and that she promised him that if he ever left his wife that she would be there for him......

the married guy had seen the two lovers together and reminded her of her promise and that he is leaving his wife april 30th.

she then says she still wants to keep seeing him until april 30th when the other guy has officially left.

he says no, of course, and goes away.....misses her, and calls the next day and starts it all up again.

he lasts another day and says to her don`t come back until you have dealt with the other guy.

she says don`t be so dramatic and encourages him to keep seeing her like they were.

what does he now think?

he thinks she has made a decision to let the other guy go.

they spend every waking available moment together going biking, grocery shopping and just sittting close over coffee.

she tells him she has fallen in love with him one night on the phone, and his heart leaps.

this goes on for three more weeks until he asks again about the state of thier relatonship.........and she hasn`t changed one single thing in her mind.

he breaks it off that night.

i have read this over so many times trying to make sense of it, and it follows no line of reasoning, other than pain.

can love be that frightening and painful that this sort of thing persists?

i remain optimistic that love can conquer all, including such tragedy......

oh shit.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20080319/ap_on_re_us/tiger_attacks

tigers do what they always do......

it`s people who think that laws can over-ride nature....human or otherwise.

if not for the tragedy of the loss of human life, the article would be funny.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20080318/ap_on_re_as/china_tibet

ah, we learn lots about slingmud from round-eye.

the dalai lama and the chinese priemier will be appearing on celebrity boxing next week on the card with danny bonawhatshisface vs. david hasslehof and chelsea clinton vs. pink.....

chelsea, wear a mouth guard honey, and keep the legs moving.

duh....

http://news.yahoo.com/s/space/20080317/sc_space/iocreatesspotsonjupiter

and the global warming assholes know this shit, yet they continue to suggest that shifts in the temperature of our planet is caused by industry.

like pissing in the sea creates tides on foriegn shores.........

yeah, but......

http://news.yahoo.com/s/afp/20080311/pl_afp/usvote

she has a point.

dumbass.

http://sports.yahoo.com/golf/pga/news?slug=ap-golfer-birdkilled&prov=ap&type=lgns

the golfer, and the investigators who dug the bird up......

http://www.citizensugar.com/1093812

like most extreme positions, global warming is virtually indistinguisable from a religion.

it has the same popes, bishops and priests and congregations and fanatics.

and as with most extreme positions the pendulum they swing on eventuay comes to the end of it`s swing and begins to start on it`s way back the other way.

like feminism, for instance.

www.mensacademy.com

ok, let`s get political......

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20080305/ap_on_re_la_am_ca/colombia_farc_laptop

so, is it ok to call us white folks gringos?


or should we nuke chavez now?

new website.

www.mensacdemy.com.

to promote the gentlemen`s arts. and those gentle women who wish to join us.

meet the new boss, same as the old boss.

http://www.globalresearch.ca/index.php?context=va&aid=3084

and why is it that the new boss is the same as the old boss?

several factors.

resonance.

resonance.

resonance.

the latin temprament is parternalistic and inflamatory, tyrannical and self-loathing.

my definition of bull-fighting may shed light on this.

bullfighting; a game designed by bulls to gore angry little spaniards in the ass.

i have met many spaniards who are cultured, gentle, family-oriented men with a passion for life......yet the fact remains, dictatorship and tyranny is in their mother`s milk.

(shit, maybe it`s her fault.)

dipshit.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20080224/ap_on_el_pr/nader

stubborn tiresome dipshit.

dog-in-the-manger.

wanker.

narrow-minded twit.

god bless him.

he reminds me of a friend of mine i used to make the mistake of playing pool with.

he would smash the balls around and sink one or two, ruining any shape i might have had.

ralphy-boy fucks up any strategy these other twits might possibly have had, costs the tax-payer many untold millions of extra dollars in the process, and goes miles toward exposing politics as the farce it really is.

not that it does any good.

look at italian politics for instance.

priorities.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20080222/ap_on_re_ca/odd_sweden_fish_in_space

ok, now i get it.

i wondered why, even though i liked to solve problems and make things work better, that i never became a scientist.

it`s because i`m not a dumbass.

muscular, sporty little fish?

sticky subject.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/time/20080214/us_time/howtomakegreatteachers

high school for me was difficult. not academically, but because the i didn`t get along with most of my teachers.

there are some who would say that it wasn`t my position to be "getting along", so much as doing the work......but here we are.

it was my feeling then that most teachers were determined to have the students "get" knowledge as a by-product of them merely showing up each day and regurgitating the material. some students seemed to be able to learn by this and so became the ones the teachers responded to.

the teachers i learned from were the ones who took the time to find out who we were as individuals.

i recently went to my high school reunion, and apart from the celebration and re-aquantance with friends and the building it`s self, i was struck by the fact that the feelings i had toward my teachers then were confirmed when i saw them again.

regarding the above article, i`m not even sure that the teachers who taught me 35 years ago were in a union, but the fact they are now complexifies an already sticky issue.


should they be paid on merit?

well, it would even the playing field certainly, and sort out the arrogant pedagogues who minister to the select few of like mind.

the two combined.

http://www.sparknotes.com/philosophy/sisyphus/section7.rhtml

who would have thought; a german and a french philospher in agreement.

family day.

http://www.thestar.com/News/Ontario/article/303895

y`know, i was pressed to remember why this all sounded familiar to me. the idea of shops and factories and schools being closed for the express purpose of families being together for an entire day.......

.....and then it hit me.

we used to call that sunday.

well dalton, thanks buddy. from the bureaucrats that brought us spiralling divorce, single-motherhood, family court snaggles that last until the money runs out and the revisiting of rights for children, now we have the new sunday.

now, mcguinty isn`t entirely to blame for this. he isn`t bright enough by far to entirely wrest society from the control of the church. he`s merely the one pushed to the front to pitch it to the public.

this process has been on the go for generations, probably for the last 1500 years or so, and is a constant struggle, one that was clearly adressed in the declaration of independance in america....not that it did much good.

we are coerced at gun-point after all.

just as the agents of the law in our community.

torture.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20080211/ap_on_go_ca_st_pe/us_sept_11_trial

as x-dell so well put in an earlier comment, torture is best used for indoctrination, and that any information gained through this method would be unreliable at best for the simple fact that you will say pretty much anything if you think you are going to die.

it begs the question.

why torture these prisoners and then try them in miltary court if you know the evidence is virtually useless?

indoctrination?

why?

all that is left for me to deduce is that it is you and i that are being indoctrinated as we are tortured while reading and hearing reports of this type of treatment of prisoners.

If waterboarding or other torture methods were conducive to better intelligence, then that would be a far more difficult decision. But because of the cellular structure of information and autonomy that goes on in fabianistic tatics, there isn't really much intelligence to be gained, and that which you do have will probably be more misleading than not. After all, a person under physical duress will tell you anything you want to hear, and not necessarily the truth.

Torture is only really useful for indoctrination, and some of these techniques the US wants to utilize have been explored by Margaret Singer, Richard Ofshe, and other shrinks.

confabulate.

verb
1.
unconsciously replace fact with fantasy in one's memory
2.
talk socially without exchanging too much information; "the men were sitting in the cafe and shooting the breeze"

i like words. i have been criticised for using long ones occasionally when short ones would do, but i disagree. sometimes the longer ones have meaning that the short ones don`t.

and i enjoy the ambiguity.

sort of........

i was reminded of the word confabulate in a discussion with david jacobs, an investigator into the reports by some of alien abductions.

he felt that the majority of reports contained confabulations.

i have news for david.

all reports of human behaviour contain confabulations.

and the subsequent analysis.

and so to politics.

or, the leading of the lambs to the slaughter.........(again.)

waterboarding.

the recent discussions in the media about the utilising of waterboarding in the questioning of suspected terrorists has drawn some issues into focus for me.

granted that we all feel that torture is reprehensible, but for many the thought of terrorists running loose to kill people is equally so.....

so therin lies the moral and ethical paradox.

what does the greater harm?

thankfully i`m not being asked to make those sorts of decisions.

but something else struck me as i read a headline about the cia suggesting that waterboarding may be illegal.

does this mean that this form of torture immediately becomes as reprehensible to these people as it does to you and i, or merely that it becomes legally actionable as an offence.

i wonder how these people can function as normal people when thier brains are trained to think legally all day.

similarly, do newscasters talk to thier families the same way as they talk on t.v.?

and do they comb thier hair that way on week-ends?

the new man.

http://the-brand-new-man.blogspot.com/

well, as a chapter ends in a man`s life so a new one begins.

during the last five years of my life i wanted to do one thing. show people how to do some of the things that i knew how do do....

because when you know how, it`s easy.

the desire to do this simple thing cost me a relationship and a home and a family.

so be it.

the link above is the begining of my work to show men how to create states where they can have comfortable conversations with women.

in the near future i will begin lecturing on this topic and taking on clients with this focus in mind.

this work is as important to me as weight loss and stop smoking and any other work that i do because it decides the future state of relationships.

for men and women both.

much has been said about the field of "how to pick up women", and most of it negative.

this has been the attitude of feminists, misogynists and the sensationalist nature of media it`s self, and often the methods that teachers in this field advocate.

but doesn`t a man, or a woman, deserve to have choice and flexibility in meeting people?

why settle for someone who treats you poorly and doesn`t look after themselves either?

anyway, check out the postings on the link above and let me know what you think.

men and women both.

england all-stars 2007.

in the proud tradition of champions........the england team for 2007.

even though this is for fun and raising money for charity, there is nothing like the feeling of wearing the three lions shirt.

and to have a 25 degree day in october just makes it all the more special.

oh yeah, and we beat the world all-stars 7-1 too. sweet.

er.........

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20080127/ap_on_fe_st/odd_stolen_crown;_ylt=AsXMuBr8DAgTZ1rhxxJLOIAuQE4F


ok, so what is a bishop doing with a $10.000 crown, and what is it doing in his car, left unattended while he`s at dinner?

i`m not a big fan of organised religion and this sort of thing just goes to my point that these bureaucrats are so out of touch that they swan about in gold and jewels while some of thier parishoners can`t afford to feed thier families while donating money to support this perverse behaviour.

fuckwits.

cultural insensitivity.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/afp/20080126/sc_afp/australiajapanwhaling_080126180938

i love the language these different groups use to claim thier position.

the japanese claim that whaling is a part of their lives and thier culture.

it`s commerce guys.

like us in the west.....

........raising cows for meat.

could you imagine a militant environmental group from india freaking on texans?

i have always had issues with the arrogance of enviros.....and greenforce (um, peace?) is a good example of this.

the sea shepherd conservation society?

greenforce wants to distance it`s self from it`s (more) militant cousin while cruising the oceans of the world together, merrily interfering with legal (i didn`t say moral or ethical) whaling and jeopardising the lives of japanese fishermen, who, lest we forget.....are people too.

so, while we raise millions of cows for beef and protect our borders with laws and military the japanese aren`t afforded the same luxury.

discuss........

new year`s resolutions re-visited.

did you make a resolution this year?

how is it holding up?

i made the resolution to drop the things that weren`t effective and postive in my life.....

and it`s remarkable what made it across that barrier and how relationships changed and how my life has become a different place (?) as a result.

i called my life a place in the last paragraph.

i wonder why i chose that particular way of characterising it.

i want to say my life is a movie in process on the big screen.

i want to say my life is one of magic and intrigue and adventure.

so i will.

and it is.

my life isn`t a place. it isn`t stationary and immovable and limited to one way of existance.

it`s a flowing, living organic process, full of challenges and wonder and excitement.

that`s the space my new year`s resolution has created.

fascination.

are you?

fascinated?

what makes you go if you are not fascinated?

the electrons firing out from my computer screen are hitting the pick-ups from my guitar and are making crackling sounds in my amplifier.

certain processes within the computer are making different types of crackling sounds come out of the the amp.

i`m fascinated.

stupid people.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20080119/ap_on_re_us/tiger_attacks



let`s get this one straightened out before we proceed.

animals don`t entertain the same thought processes as humans.

for them it`s simple, basic and consistant.

tigers kill other animals for food.

if you are going to act like food, you`re gonna get killed.

the animal wasn`t getting pissed off, she was provided with an opportunity to eat.

i know if i was a big cat i would get wholeheartedly sick of being thrown sirloin all day long off a long stick, and would be dying to tear into something live and moving.......even if it was a tourist.

the main reason why people get hurt by animals is because they make tactical errors.

the majority of people who assert theselves behind thick glass or heavy duty fences by making jestures and yelling are ignored comprehensively.

for the most part you can bang on the glass and yell and jump up and down all you want and the cat will yawn, fart and otherwise go on with being top of the food chain.

the fuckwits in question failed to remain out of the cat`s reach, and got torn apart for thier efforts.

that`s why they call them stupid people.

and i bet they have had at least one conversation with a lawyer since.

clowns.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20080118/od_uk_nm/oukoe_uk_britain_clowns

my two children, boys 9 and 11 both said that they found clowns weird and my youngest said he thought they were scary.

they added santa, one or two of thier school teachers, steve from across the street and one soccer coach and boy scout leaders who wear shorts to the list.

razor sharp perception from my two.

bike ride.

i rode to milton yesterday. the ride is mostly hills and valleys and made me realise how much i missed this type of riding, as i mostly ride on the flat in town and into toronto.

the weather was perfect for a winter ride. just a few degrees above freezing and little wind to speak of.

as i climbed up and out of suburbia for the first time in, well, i forget the last time i was away from the tract homes and consumer traffic......i realised how much i missed the raw landscape that i was now surrounded by.

the mystical envelope that now enveloped me was made up of rock faces and pine trees and two lane black top and my shifting neurology due to the much missed exertion due to pushing the pedals.

i felt a drawing into all of this existance and a certain knowledge of my place as included, accepted and welcomed.

i laughed outloud a few times is i cranked up the hills and around the twists and bends into the creekbeds and across the edge of the escarpment that seperates the lakeside communities from the halton hills......and soon i emerged into the new emerging community of milton, the new bedroom community for the teeming metropolis to the west, toronto.

the same suburban spasm that is occuring in burlington is also occuring in milton with equal intensity, and with it will bring a commercial prosperity and unprecedented growth and opportunity.

that being said, it will still be necessary to get away from it occasionally to recharge and see the futility in such an existance.

i rode back with a sort of sadness, knowing that i had to descend back into the suburban ghetto once again, but comfortable in the knowledge that the unspoiled escarpment awaits my return.

beautiful morning.

i woke this morning prematurely to the insistant digital chime of my alarm clock.

i had been up until late last night mentally pacing over the events of yesterday with it`s delightfully contrasting messages of both opportunity and anxiety.

once my eyes grew accustomed to the brightness upon my less-than-rested eyes i realised the beauty of what greeted me out the window.

the sun was shining.

that was what was so different.

we have had such unseasonably warm weather of late that most hadn`t realised that we hadn`t seen the sun in weeks.

seeing it made me realise that and i was struck by the sheer beauty of everything lit by the sun`s warming rays.

the bare trees and the roof-tops and the glowing white bricks of the apartment buildings rising out of the ground in the near distance all seemed almost surreal in this unfamiliar light.

i was smiling before i realised.

i`m sure that over time i will lose the sense of wonder of today, but for now i will immerse myself in it`s gifts.

for christ`s sake people.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20080115/ap_on_sp_ba_ne/bbo_congress_steroids

we don`t have a steroid problem.

we have a bureaucrat problem.

the tiresome endless rhetoric from all sides in this witch hunt is painful to sit through....so i don`t for the most part.

but occasionally i see an article which captures the tone of the problem.

this is a huge waste of tax-payer money and a wild goose chase that will solve nothing and ruin lives into the bargain.

bureaucrat heaven.

there is not on single benifit that this process provides at the end of the day either.

it ruins careers, team morale, and artificially effects the nature of sport.

the use of steroids has been common in sport for thousands of years. the greeks and romans were aware that certain compounds derived from roots herbs would allow a man to get sronger and recover more quickly from training and injury.

just look at some of the statues in the cities of greece and rome to see my point.

this witch hunt has decimated the whole attitude of the sport of cycling, with major sponsors pulling money out of fears of damage to thier image.

and don`t tell me that people actually care about the damage athletes do to themselves with steroids.......

this is another arificially created problem that bureaucrats can then use to feather thier nests and call in thier buddies to feed also.

the athlete always seeks to gain advantage......and fair has nothing to do with it in the least.

genetics isn`t fair.

i am feet two inches tall with a 45 bpm resting heart rate. i was born with this ability. add this to my years of training and focus makes me naturally able to ride a bike and to do well at athletics that i choose to participate in.

i was always chosen first or second when picking teams.....

is this cheating?

when allowed, people always make teams comprised of the best available athletes and those athletes are genetically superior and have trained and dieted the best also.

i chose on many occasions not to do steroids because i didn`t understand them and didn`t trust the use, but many athletes that i knew did them and got noticable benifits as a result.

and there are many other substances that athletes ingest that will provide advantage, mentally and physically.

steroids will never enhance the ability of the mind though.

you can prepare the body perfectly and still fail on race day if the mind isn`t prepared.

and that 95% of the job.

but that`s another story.

look.

you are being shown something.

you can`t see?

i know.

it takes effort to see.

to be aware of the consistant message being aimed at you.

most never get to the point where they can even begin to even try to look.

but you`ve been trying.

otherwise you wouldn`t have read this far.

so, what`s next?

more looking.....and eventually you will see......or not.

next time you are in the grips of some anxiety, try to remember what i`m going to say next.

relax, and really look at what it is that you are being asked to look at.

because it is in these times of extreme anxiety that we are closest to seeing.

these words heal.

http://thesewordsheal.blogspot.com/

my new project for 2008.

the healing power of words.

cut and paste the "these words heal" graphic and post it wherever you wish and repeat when necessary.

sir edmund.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20080110/ap_on_re_au_an/obit_edmund_hillary

as were many schoolboys growing up in england, i was enthralled by the story of sir edmund hillary and sherpa tenzing`s climb up mt. everest.

they became the first to climb to the top.

sir edmund passed away today, leaving this planet with one less hero.

hmm. ironic how we don`t miss people until they`re gone.

i had to laugh.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20080110/ap_on_go_ca_st_pe/fbi_unpaid_phone_bills

keystone cops ride again.

mildly political.

aren`t you all on the edge of your seats over this election thingy in the u.s.?

well stop it.

you aren`t normally this gullable, so why now?

clinton?

come on people, grow a brain and turn it off.

someone will tell you what happened when it`s over.

meanwhile you can do something important.

like something pleasureable with people you like.

just a thought.

a man of god.

we are all men of god.......

if one of us is.

there is no division.

how can there be?

and why should there be a division anyway?

we are all part of one thing.

chinook.

the eskimos have a word for it.

that should be a clue to the suburban robots that this is a known phenomenon.

the january melt is characterised by a dramatic rise in air temperature and moderate winds, which together contribute to the melting of the ice and snow lying on the ground.

this event has happened at this time of year for centuries, so much so that indigenous peoplea are familiar with it.

yet the enviro-twits keep saying that this is further evidence of a man-made shift in global temperatures.

chinook means snow-eater in the eskimo language.

i have spent the last few minutes enjoying the warm breeze as i stood on my balcony looking north and west, and hoping that the warm air will stay with us for a while longer yet.

and i didn`t worry for a moment that the ecosystem would collapse any minute.

new year`s resolutions.

did you make one?

have you made one in the past?

i have to say that i`ve never made them in the past.

i guess i never felt the need nor saw the point.

this year i was compelled to make a resolution in a rather odd and convoluted way.

some months ago a friend asked me to host a group ceremony for new year`s eve, culminating in an evocation ceremony to welcome in the new year.

plans fell through for the party and so i was left without plans for the last day of 2007.

as life has a habit of doing, i was pleasantly suprised when a friend invited me to her place for a quiet night over drinks......

i was quick to accept her offer.

when i arrived she announced that her friend would be joining us and wanted to do a special ritual for the new year.

coincedance?

there are none, my faithful readers.

the three of us wrote out new year`s wish on a piece of paper which we each then burned in a candle flame, dropping the ash into our champagne glasses......and as the last few seconds of 2007 counted down we toasted to the new year with the magic potion.

i haven`t spoken to the two girls since but i can tell you that my new year`s resolution is well on the way to completion, and as a result the closing of one door is allowing the opening of several new doors that i will be more than eager to walk through in 2008.

resolve is a powerful thing.

fair?

life is not fair.

good.

could you imagine if it was?

dick-heads.

http://www.wired.com/science/discoveries/news/2007/12/sleep_deprivation?mbid=yhp

perfect for the work-crazed consumer.

a spray to counter the effects of not sleeping, so that one can function "normally".

psychiatrists have evolved from process analysts, keen to help people with thier emotions, toward drug dealers using dope to mask problems for robot consumers long enough for them to make more money to buy more stuff.........for a little while longer.

nothing to worry about then.

thanks darpa.

what is hypnosis.

i have no idea.

what i have experienced in my work that my clients tell me what they think hypnosis is, and so i can share some of thier feelings with certain knowledge about what they feel.

many of my clients experience relaxation, time distortion (the session seemed as if it took minutes, when it was half an hour or more.) movie-like sights and sound, profound changes in perception, experiencing remarkable things (hot sand and sun, cool water, friendly tigers.......) and many more incredible things.

the trance induction could be characterised as a state of fantasy or hallucination that seems absolutely real and seamless to the subject, and i am constantly suprised at how good my clients are at creating such remankable states.

as i said before that i have no idea what hypnosis is, and this is true.

science is ambivalent on the subject.

scientists love to pronounce thier final understanding of hypnosis occasionally, but they still haven`t figured out what my clients know as experts; that the human mind is the master of it`s own reality.

and science can`t measure that.

what is fear?

fear is a trigger.

it is made up of memories of similar events to the one you are fearful of now.

you are pre-supposing that what you are experiencing now is the same as the experiences that went before.

and you are wrong.

when you take a moment and realise that what you are experiencing now is a unique opportunity to react differently to what may appear to be a familiar frightening situation, you can choose to react differently.

relax for a moment.

learn something new about yourself.

breathe.

smile.

move fluidly and with purpose.

three things you never did out of a fear reaction before.

did you feel differently as a response?

well, this is the beginning of conquering what you though was a fear.

a new environment to exist in that will begin to set you free.

well, here we are.

2008 is upon us and with it comes the snow.

i visited with an angel last night and through into this morning.

we talked and joked and laughed and dined and drank, and finally ended up down by the lake, watching the water crash onto the boardwalk, while the snow blew all around us safe and warm inside her car.

we ritually turned our backs on 2007 and all that didn`t work then pledged to let all the abundance resonate with our intentions and actions for the the coming year.

as the first few rays of morning sun attempted to push back the chill of the night`s storm i climbed from her car and an evening`s spell broke.

i felt a physical pull on my soul.

i must remain unattached, but yet so grateful.

for her, as well as for me.

until the next time.

out with the old.

and good riddance.

2008, while merely a string of events created by the rotation of our planet in relation to the sun, offers the delightful thought of the potential for positive outcomes.

so let`s build a frame of optimism with this in mind and say to fuck with 2007.

i, for one, am betting on it.

is google the government?

an aquaintance of mine has a son who works for google.

the man visited his son recently and went to the offices of google with his boy.

during the telling of the visit i was struck with the sheer scope of control that google has over our networking activities.

each communication from ip to ip is mapped on a screen in the boys office in a flow of arcing connections from point to point on a giant screen on the wall.

there is also another screen showing the adress numbers of those making searches in real time that just whizzes along.

what is this all in aid of ?, one has to ask.

monitoring activity.

the new police state won`t need cameras.

am i paranoid?

yep.

we bank on-line, we entertain on-line, we research on-line, we hunt on-line, we consume on-line.

so if we are tracked during these periods then those who monitor our activities can predict and control our behaviour.

so if the government isn`t google, then it will soon try to be.

i suggest it already is.

is google the government?

a definition of intellect.

i read a definition of intellect some years ago that appeals to me to this day.

a measure of intellect is the ability to be able to hold two or more different views in mind for discussion, without judgement.

this mechanism allows me to read women`s magazines and liberal politics and so on without judgement long enough to gain some understanding of thier points of view.

recently i read alvin toffler`s eco-spasm, in an attempt to understand liberal views of the neccesity of tax increases as a hedge against inflation, and while i still disagree with the entirety of big government and the bureaucracy that emerges....i reluctantly see the point of controlling money in a closed system.

my view is that money in the form we understand it is the bars on a cage that holds us all in feudal conscription........but that`s just me.

oh, and another thing that struck me the other day......is google the government?

heading for 2008.

as we head for 2008 be prepared for what you expect.

it always happens that way, and so if you want someting different you have to expect a change.

in fact, as you sit at the keyboard realise that everything that you have been expecting has led you to this point.

staggering when you think this way, even for a moment.

the possibilities are exhilerating.

just wait until you try the absolute certainties.

merry winter solstice.............

and santa and satan have something in common.

both are used to get children to behave.

and the letters re-arrange nicely in eaches name to spell the other.

and you never see them in the same place together.

the meta man.

http://trance-formulation.blogspot.com/2007/12/meta-man.html

next door the meta-man is emerging.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20071211/hl_nm/cancer_meat_dc

but, how much red meat constitutes a cancer risk?

i know of people who are eating pounds of the stuff on a regular basis.

are they the ones running the risk, or is it those of us who eat a hamburger or two a week and occasionally have a steak and a shot or two of bourbon to celebrate our masculinity?

or is this more fear-mongering from the vegan camp?

new blog.

http://trance-formulation.blogspot.com/

for all the thoughts that are too large for hypgnosys........or something.

see you there, and let me know what you think now.

censorship.

http://www.quillandquire.com/blog/index.php/2007/11/22/the-golden-compass-banned-by-catholic-school-board/

ok, so in reading the comments posted in reaction to the news on this site, one can see that the book wasn`t banned.

it was removed from the shelves and placed behind the desk of the librarian where one only had to ask for the title by name and it would be provided......with a smile.

not censorship then.

good.

i`m relieved.

my children could, with full confidence, approach the librarian and request the aforementioned title, and recieve it with approval.

subtle.

the golden compass.

http://www.snopes.com/politics/religion/compass.asp

it is interesting that in all the criticisms of this movie, the book series it came from and the author`s cosmology point to the methodologies that the god cults themselves use to indoctrinate children into thier ideology.

the many critics try to make the distinction between pullman`s position and that of the church as the difference between fiction and fact.

the traditional church view is that there is a seperate god in heaven and that there are rules to follow and so on, and some of it just makes sense as a way to live in a modern society, but......maybe the big seperate god in heaven thing is just childhood fantasy, and one on equal footing with the ones laid out in pullman`s books.

so why are school boards banning his books right here in canada and elsewhere.?

now?
today?
as we speak?

because this is the on-going battle of the minds of our impressionable children........the adults of the next generation of our society......and if the powers-that-be want things to continue to be corporate and bureaucratic and so on, then we need to believe in a corporate and bureaucratic god seperate from ourselves that sits in judgement and sees

everything

and if small children can kill this being, then what hope does a government full of graft and corruption that offers us gun control legislation, casinos, and privately-run highways have in the face of a new generation of voters who have already stood up to this bullshit....?

but it`s all just a childhood fantasy you say. the golden compass is just a movie.

well, yes it is. and so is the bible. you first read it when you were a little child. you can still see the comic-book versions from sunday school that got the pictures in your mind effectively of all the bearded guys and fishing boats and lambs and sheep........

so we are kept as children through superstition.

and when someone pokes a hole through the comic-book and says "here`s another idea" the people who make the comic books get upset.

otherwise, why the censorship?

censorship of a tale told about children standing up to the tyranny of the misisterium.

after all, it`s what we all want to do anyway.

a reminder.

in listening to a lecture by alan watts to ibm managers i was reminded of a distinction he made between mechanisms and organisms.

he said that mechanisms can be assembled and dis-assembled part by part with little or no damage to the device, whereas an organism has to be dealt with as a whole or it can be damaged irreparably.

yet scientists and engineers continue to damage organisms thinking they are mechanisms.

alan warned the ibm people almost 40 years ago that if they and others continued to do this that they would destroy organisms such as the environment or people or cultures within a few short years.

and here we are taking a mechanical approach to problem solving, whereas the solution is organic.

drugging people and selling carbon credits..............

instead of councelling people and reducing consumption.

but that would be too easy, wouldn`t it?

and so.....

http://news.yahoo.com/s/afp/20071204/ennew_afp/entertainmentfilmreligionusbritain

......the story goes........

it`s like the kettle calling the pot black, as my dad would say.

of some concern.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20071130/ap_on_re_af/sudan_british_teacherg

if this is the product of islamic fundementalism under sharia, we should be concerned that this sort of sentiment won`t arise amongst fundies of greater technological and tactical means (again.)............

this sort of incedent continues to underscore the savage agression generated by such extreme beliefs and political structure.

a deadly combination, and one that until recently was quietly forming amongst the muslim communities in canada.

sharia, for those in need of a definition, is a muslim legal system fun by clerics strictly adhering to extereme fundemental muslim law.

for those charged under this system the expectation is one of savage corporal punishment, ranging from whippings to stonings to amputations.

all in the name of a happy community.

in canada recently people charged and found guilty in sharia courts were abducted and taken back to complicit muslim countries for punishment.

don`t you just love multi-culturalism.

unconditional love........for the self.

this is a concept that some have a hard time coming to grips with.

i will say it this way for fear of seeming dramatic or whatever;

all of the problems in the world between people are caused by our inability to love ourselves.

unconditionally.

that is; without the thought of doing harm to the self.

out of this form of thinking comes all the moral and ethical solutions that our society struggles with.

when you are "in" love with yourself, then it is impossible to bring harm to others.

at this point one realises that there are times when harm comes to yourself and to others through situations that arise from time to time, but these are rare situations that warrant special attention from outside agencies such as family and friends and co-workers etc.

the moral and ethical solutions to societies problems are solved mostly through inaction.

don`t rob banks.

don`t start fights or arguements.

don`t resist the urge to be friendly to others.

don`t be greedy and strive for political office.

these are simplifications.

some of the more serious issues are things like;

forgive yourself.

forgive others.

accept the fact that we are all human and we make mistakes all the time.

in fact, most of everything that we do is "wrong", but who`s to judge.......so just do it again. or do something else instead.

we are coming to a point in our conscious existance where, whether we like it or not, we are going to be asked to give up all of the noise of a culture bent on ownership and competition.

and whether or not it is that we are just getting a little older now, or that we are entering a new age of awareness on a global scale, the fact remains that the old ways of thinking about things and doing things are failing us.

and so.

see yourself as you go about your day.

do you feel a strong sense of feeling toward this person?

imagine that you are watching yourself on a youtube video going grocery shopping or making dinner while the kids are playing video games a few feet away, or waiting in the line-up at starbucks, or fixing a problem at work with colleagues.

are these good scenarios?

what would you do differently if you were directing your actions from this vantage point?

the continued watching of these videos is the process of beginning to love one`s self unconditionally.

as you watch the videos more intently you find yourself thinking of forgiveness and acceptance and the simple act of smiling more and seeing others smile too.

and you wonder why you never noticed this before and how good it feels to know that others accept you too.

oh yeah, and it is a process.

if you have been an asshole for a while now, it might take a bit for things to turn around.

the earth mother........a cautionary tale.

i met her in a bar.



i know what you are thinking, and you might be right, though we weren`t together all that long and so i`ll probably never know whether you were or not.



she came over and started talking to me actually. that kind of suprised me because i`m usually the one to initiate conversation.......but i wasn`t displeased with her approach.



she slid in beside me and said, "could you imagine a better place sit and talk with someone who you found interesting?"



i was caught so completely off guard by her sudden approach and her comment that the only thing i could say was, "in my car."



a few minutes later we were driving out onto the coast highway as the sun hit the horizon across the ocean and exploded in a blaze of fire while my mind raced as to what to do next.



she solved the problem for me by leaning over and kissing me gently on the cheek as i drove.



"you are as beautiful as you are enigmatic, and i don`t even know your name" i said, still trying to figure out what was going on as i drove my car god only knew where.



"my name is rachel, and i`ve come to bring you a message" she said.



"a message, what do you mean?" i thought this was odd, but i wasn`t prepared for what she said next.



"you are in a sort of dream state where we are able to do this now. you have been preparing for this all of your life, and so have i.......and so while this is a bit of a shock to you, you are able to understand this and are able to accept what will happen in the next short while."



rachel was a beautiful blonde girl with odd green eyes with little flecks of red in them that made her almost wolf-like in her gaze, and although she had perfect skin she had a scar across the side of her nose onto her upper lip that immediately reminded me of the sort of wound one would get from the tip of a sword.t



she kissed me again, and this time i pulled the car over and kissed her in return.



we found a motel in this dream we were in, and made love until the sun returned to light this side of the planet once again.



"rachel." i said waking into the dream once again, not sure if i had dreamed her while asleep in my dream or while awake in my dream before..........



it had not been a dream within a dream but one continuation.



she lay there beside me as if she had always been there, this strange and beautiful creature with an odd tale to beguile a middle aged man into bed.



i called her name a second time and she stirred and opened her eyes, and once again i found her lupine gaze to be slightly unnerving.



"there is more i need to tell you" she said, with a look of concern on her face that stopped me as i reached to kiss her.



"yes i believe there is......" i said.



then she laid her cards right down on the table.



"i am what you might want to call mother nature. it`s not my name, but the description of my role is accurate. i have come here to warn you that if you don`t recognise yourself for who you are as the male part of who we are and embrace this as the highest manifestation of your being, then humanity will cease to exist in this place very soon.



man has become so hateful of himself and greedy and destructive and war-like that soon humanity will descend into an all-out conflict that will destroy us all.



and the only thing that will stop this is for you to see yourself as if you we watching yourself in a movie as the lead role in a film about the potential for the end of the world.



and as you watch yourself keep reminding yourself that you have to love yourself unconditionally.......do nothing that could harm you or could result in bringing harm to yourself in the future.



why you?



well why not you?



and know that i am in love with you so deeply that it tears me apart to think that i could ever be apart from you even for a moment, and that i am happy because i don`t ever have to leave you now".



as i walked across the gravel parking lot of the hotel my mind was reeling with what rachel had said. i understood the unconditional love part, but couldn`t understand how it was going to affect all of humanity.



i would have to ask her when she came out to the car.

more about signposts.

the signposts keep coming.

as we travel through whatever it is that we are travelling through, when we sensitise ourselves, we begin to notice that our surroundings are alive with meaningful associations.

these associations are unique to the individual and can be as enigmatic as licence plates on cars, or neon signs or a combination of things.

no matter what the message and however it is transmitted we must be assured that there is a message and that the universe is aware of our intentions and is ready and willing to provide just what we need when we need it.

the proof is in what we are doing right now and how we managed to arrive here.

the present moment is always the culmination of a series of present moments called a lifetime.

one has to realise that we have to work very hard to be disappointed and to fail or to miss the boat, or whatever else we are attempting.

again, the proof is in how we are acting presently.

either seeing the signposts and following thier direction, or ignoring them........

the very thing that we`ve spent our lives putting in place.

er.........

http://news.yahoo.com/s/afp/20071121/sc_afp/nirelandbritainanimalsfish

a bag of silver.

the profit is in betrayal.

the betrayer has the money in the bag.

that says a lot about a moral society.

impeccable.

in the teachings of the samurai one is told to act impeccably.

that is with absolute certainty.

without it the first sword will claim you.

with it, none shall touch you.

with honour. through the pain.

impeccably.

pain.

we learn to endure the pain, and it fashions us.

we become so used to the feeling that it becomes like an old, loyal friend.

and who ever said we would be without it?


the laughter and joy of the abundance in everything is valid and true and surrounds us and lifts us up and holds us like a child..........and with it comes the pain.

endure?

accept.

unattach.

everything must pass.

and it does.

words.

words create our reality.

even if we don`t know the meaning of the words we use, the words do, and at some level part of our consciousness does too.

and they continue to shape our reality.

fun.

an anonymous poster raised an interesting point.

fun.

and how the concept differs for each of us.

what is fun for you?

in a thousand words or less. (please.)

hey.........

you don`t see one of these very often.

these are a few of my favorite things.

http://www.totse.com/en/ego/no_laughing_matter/snquiz.html

be careful though. it is no laughing matter...........(well, actually it is.)

testing.

the following sentence is false.

the previous sentence was true.

please don`t get stuck on this for too long.

they are only words after all.

rememberance day.

every sunday morning the lads get together and play soccer.

we vary in age from 20 or so up to 75 years old.

we are mostly europeans who`s families grew up in europe and remembered the last world war.

we all grew up listening to our fathers and uncles and grandfathers talking about flying and fighting and heroics and death.

so today at 11.00am we stopped the game and stood for a minute and remembered all of those men and women who fought and died so that we could play in peace.

then the lancaster bomber flew over from hamilton, where it remains one of only two operational world war two lancasters.

such a moving sight. no words are necessary when she flies over our heads.

a fitting salute.

i, for one, will always remember.