Friday, March 17, 2006

mind your own business.

there is one thing that we can all do easily and if everyone did it for a day, just as an experiment, the world would be a better place........immediately.
mind our own business.
just focus on what is going on inside our own heads. the sights and sounds of our own minds are a universe that most people never begin to explore for the simple reason that they are too busy looking at what someone else is up to.
why is that?
well........from the time we are very small we are told to be aware that there are other people in the world and that we have to do things so that these people will be happy. parents, teachers, nieghbours, friends, associates, etc. all of these people are to be considered as we plan our time in a day. this pressure to observe the actions and attitudes of others conditons us to trade energy with everyone in a dynamic of negotiation for "o.k. ness".
we are made to feel that we need to check to see if everyone is o.k. all the time.
now, this would be a reasonable situation if the playing field was level and we could trade "o.k." for "o.k" and get equal value each time we did a deal.
but the reality is that people cheat, lie and steal. anything and everything they can. the bits of "o.k." that we are trading are no different than any other commodity we have to trade with other people. so.........sometimes we get ripped off for our "o.k." .
you know how that feels. betrayal. hurt. pain.........
why does this happen again?
because we are made to feel responsible for the feelings of others.
we are given a conscience.
we get guilt as a result.
this leads to crimes.
if we can just mind our own business for a while then we can focus on our own shit with the knowledge that everyone else is doing the same thing........and we can relax and smile at people and not worry about our actions being misunderstood or manipulated or rejected.
no more mental illness.
no more power struggles.
99% less government.
no cops. (who would do the job anymore?)
no more guns.......nothing to force on people.
it reminds me of an experiment that a man called timothy leary did with prisoners in the early sixties. he gave them lsd, a powerful hallucinegenic drug, in a controlled environment where the prisoners would be supervised during the process.
95% of the prisoners who went through the process were able to face thier deepest fears and memories in a few short hours and realised that these issues had put them in an institution. these prisoners, when released from jail, never returned. they were able to deal with thier own issues instead of making the issues someone elses responsibility.
that is the essence of taking responsibility for what goes on in our heads. we are the only one who can, ultimately, do the work.
none of the other six and a half billion people here on the planet can.
we each have to do our bit and when we do, we get off everyone else`s case just that little bit and the pressure eases.
we now return you to regular programming...............


anu said...

Dr, i am seeing that it is so ok to be ordinary. All throughout, we are hounded by our parents, teachers, bosses and everyone else to be 'special'. But being special takes so much different kind of pressure and stress. It would mean to live upto 'some' (sometimes even one's own) expectations.

I am begining to realise as i read this book 'the ordinary princess', that being ordinary can be so much fun. And all it requires is to mind your own business, as pointed out.

You know? the ordinary princess had freckles, a snub nose and mousy hair and the royal family could never find a charming enough prince to marry here (unlike her six beautiful perfectly groomed older sisters). But like any of us special beings, she did not wallow in self-pity or cry or complain or blame the sky for her woes.

She was 'ok' to be ordinary. She accepted her with unconditional love. She did not let her parent's or teacher's or subject's opinion of her or her future affect her. She worked on herself by insisting she has many lovely things to look forward to being ordinary - like smelling the sweet breeze, climbing a tree or running to the forest to play with her pets -the crow and the squirrel.

When the royal family tries to force her into a marraige, she runs away into the forest. She does not ever crave for a handsome prince or this or that. She does not miss being in love (unlike me). Probably, she loves herself so much that she does not need another's love as a reassurance or to make her feel better.

Finally when she her dress gets torn in bits after days of stay alone in the forest, she learns that she has to work to buy a new dress. And she happily works as a kitchen maid. Even in that she finds joy. She sings while peeling potatoes and hums while scurbbing the pots.

When she gets an off, she goes off to the forest to play with her pets.

There is so much 'specialness' in her being so ordinary. I see her striving towards nothing. Totally accepting herself and loving herself. So much that, this whole tale has been told by the author in complete joy and spontaineity without giving the reader any sense of pain or hardship.

This can only come from unconditional love Dr?

dr.alistair said...

it begins with acceptance. not with a shrug and resignation, but with the knowledge that with that acceptance comes unconditional love for everything. it is a letting go of binding fears and anxieties and all the negative feelings of being jealous of pretty princesses and gowns and castles and being comfotable in the moment. wherever that is.

anu said...

Thank you for your feedback Dr.

We say these are fairy tales becoz they are full of miracles and magic. But, i see it is begining to be so easy to believe that our own life can be so very magical and miraculous, if only we choose it to be so!

Today is saturday morning and i am going to house hunting. I have decided to move out of my parent's place. Getting a home (with a shoe-string budget) has limited options in Bombay. But it feels so good to be on your own, even merely thinking about it is so empowering.
This is the third time i am going to go out looking for homes with the real estate guy. Though he is hell bent upon me to close the deal. I did not quite like the properties i saw. So i am still searching.

Do you have a holiday on saturdays?

dr.alistair said...

yes, saturday is a holiday for office people...but those who work for themselves like me don`t necessarily take saturday off, but it is nice to spend time with the boys.

anu said...

I was lying and enjoying Heidi when i read this which relates to your post 'mind your own business'.

When Heidi climbs up the swiss alps with Peter, she sees an enormous bird circling overhead with outstreched wings and croacking harshly as it flew. Later at night, she asks Grandfather about it.

Grandfather said 'He is the Hawk. He's jeering at all the people who live in the villages and make trouble for one another. You can imagine he's saying "If only you would all mind your own businesses and climb up to the mountaintops as i do, you'd be a lot better off"'.

Goodnight Dr, its bedtime here.

dr.alistair said...

insight comes when we choose to accept it into our consciousness. it is another aspect of recognition. re-knowing.

anu said...

yea, maybe that's why we call it in-sight. Becoz it comes from inside.

dr.alistair said...

you will have a difficult time proving that anything exists outside the self........

anu said...

haha yes :) and i never want to be successful in that.