Wednesday, March 29, 2006

pattern interrupt.

so you have a`s a terrible thought. one you have had before and when you did it made you feel terrible for hours. now you are having it again. it is a feeling like no other. it overwhelms you and controls you and the feeling then becomes you. you become that feeling.
in the past the feeling persisted and had it`s way with you, but do you remember the moment it went away?
the moment it went away was the precise moment that another thought took it`s place and began to have it`s way with you.....and so on.
a pattern interrupt is preciely interruption of the pattern of feeling that you are having that you recognise as your conscious mood. this works exactly the same way for a good feeling as for a bad one. you are having a nice daydream about something pleasant and suddenly, bang! you nearly run over a cyclist in your can`t quite get back to that same pleasant mood now though. this works with the shit feelings too.
it just takes a bit of practice.
realise you are having a memory that triggers a bad mood, or realise that you are in one. now as you recognise the feelings in yourself and track back to the essense of where it all started and touch on the main points, hit them with a your mind, or literally get a hammer out and bang on a piece of wood or a nail and drive the negative thoughts down flat and yell "shut the fuck up" to yourself until it seems amusing..............
when you begin to smile or laugh is when the pattern is successfully interrupted and a new neurochemical pathway is established in your have made a new drug to trip on.
when you realise that you are in control of the drug factory and you can make any drug you want to do any task you want, then the only question is, what next?


anu said...

Wow ... actually take a hammer and hit nails telling them to shut the fuck up? It IS so amusing. I am laughing here :-))

You can be so funny from so far Dr Alistair, that is so wonderful. I once wanted to lighten my life so i thought i will write jokes and funny stuff, but i could never make that work becoz it was so difficult to be funny.

anu said...

Dr, three days ago, when i was clearing my computer, i found some letters and sweet nothings written by my ex to me long ago. It brought me to tears and i could not believe that we ended up like this. I had a strong urge to call him up and felt someone who loved me so much or who i love so much, cannot go away like this. But i have been resisting that feeling and the bottled up feelings bring tears into my eyes many times. And further i could not delete his pictures and all the stuff, the memories in my computer.

Dr today i had a dream during dialysis. I always dream, every night and it is so real that even when i wake up, i'm not sure if i am in this world or the dream world.

In the dream today, i was so restless and desperate to call my exbf. I was getting so nervous that he was not talking to me (this has happenned in real before and this would happen when i would be in dialysis and we'd have a tiff and my bf shoots up like crazy) Anyways,i could not make up my mind whether or not to call him up. Becoz i was scared that i'd get hurt by something he said during the conversation and it may make me feel more miserable than before if i call him up. Finally i could not resist the urge and i decided if i get hurt, it is alright i will deal with it. So i did call him up. That was all was the dream. At this point i woke up.
I woke up distressed worried with the outcome of the call - the climax - which i don't know yet!!! Though i do remember receiving some smses from him (in the dream).

This is something which has been bothering me the last few days and i'm unable to delete his stuff from my computer.

What does this dream indicate Dr Alistair?

Is it telling me to call him up?

Or Becoz in real i wanted to call him up so badly and resisted the urge, i in another probability (which i call the dream world) actually called him up just to fulfill that desire?

When i woke up, i was distressed but i had received sms from someone else not him.

This is bothering me a lot Dr Alistair. Should i call him up or no. How do i know what to do. I'm scared that i'll be hurt if i call him up!!! Then i'll cry and have to work my way out if things are bad.

On the other hand, what if he has changed and has become like he used to be before with me and really misses me? Do you think that is ever possible, now that i am working on all my issues.

I cant help it but i still love him. No matter what!!!

But is still dont know the outcome.

dr.alistair said...

the funny is what you make of what i am saying.......there are those who would be offended. there are those who would be confused. there are those who would say how does he know that just accept your own joy and laugh. you ask how that i know that you are on a a path of are laughing.
my job is easy.

dr.alistair said...

we are constantly provided with the opportunity to learn and move on to the next thing in our life. the dream was an opportunity to let the feelings go. the letters too. delete. so with that action go the feelings. the dreams will stop. it`s all up to you when you choose to have a better life.
i am going to speculate that he may have been unable to cope with your illness. that`s not a judgement of his character so much as an observation of your anxiety in the dream and that it`s a natural way for some peopple to feel about illness.

anu said...

Thank you for your valuable insight Dr. Please tell me:

If i love him so much.Why can't he feel it? I feel it in every cell of my body and every strand of my hair.

Why doesen't he want to love me back? How can he forget me?

How can this connection go so totally wrong, i fail to understand!

BTW, i made a small error which made me smile big time now. I wrote above:

my bf shoots up like crazy

it is actually "my bp" - blood pressure shoots up like crazy.

Richard said...

I used pattern interrupt to survive the post traumatic stress-like symptoms of unfaithfulness. It took a good while, but it did take.